Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Look at a list of qualities of traits, hobbies that you want to get better at. Look at a list of five people you're spending the most time with. Lastly, observe the white space. And by that, I mean, where are the gaps? Do you not have a friend in those five people or a partner that emulate that quality? Well, you know what? Go find somebody. Today's episode is brought to you by.
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[00:01:31] Speaker A: Welcome to 3564, a podcast for the middle.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: I have three questions.
[00:01:39] Speaker A: A real basic exercise that I want you to really get honest, think through, and really put into practice. If you can make it through this episode with full honesty and actually commit to doing what I ask you to do at the end, I truly believe that it's going to be a game changer in your friendships. Question number one. Who do you want to be? More specifically, are there areas that you are trying to improve now in middle age? We've all gotten to know who we are and what we're really good at. And, you know, I also think we're better at identifying our weaknesses. Nobody's perfect. Everybody has areas for improvement, and a lot of folks in middle age are on this journey of self improvement. So let me list some of the common ways that folks are trying to improve their lives, improve themselves in middle age, and listen to this list carefully. I want you to try to identify a handful of areas that you think you might be able to improve. Creativity, resiliency, reliability, positivity, confidence, integrity, honesty, independence, parenting, self care, reading, more, running, walking, hiking, getting outdoors, those were some of the things that we're finding middle agers are trying to improve. So make a mental note of the three things that maybe stood out to you there. Okay, let's go on to question number two. Who are you spending your time with? More specifically, who are the top five people that you are spending your hours, your days, and your free time with? I really, really want you to examine your schedule now. I don't want you to include young children. If you are still, you know, have young adults living in your home or toddlers. The only kind of children I'd want you to include in this exercise are those that have successfully launched. And, you know, that's a whole nother podcast episode in and of itself. But think through your schedule. Is it a colleague? Is it a partner? Is it someone you're married to or dating? Is it someone at the gym? Is it a neighbor? Think through your schedule and jot down the five people you are spending the most time with. Okay, you and I have all heard the famous line, you are the sum of the five people you hang out with. I actually think there's a ton of credibility to that. There's actual studies done by Harvard, Stanford, and some of the medical journals around your propensity to be ex if your friends are x. And by that, I mean insert whatever it is. And so many of those traits that they talk about are negative. But I want you to take a totally different approach to I am the sum of the five people I spend time with. I want you to look at your list of qualities, the two to three things that maybe stood out to you, the people you're spending your time with and identify gaps. Are you spending time with a book lover and your goal is to read more? Are you spending time with somebody who wants to be outdoors? And that's one of your goals? Gosh, look, no. No one's on my list there. Are you spending time with someone who's super generous? That's one of your goals. One of the things you want to improve in life is generosity. Hmm. Is there a white space? Do you have a friend who's really focused on health and wellness? They do such a good job prioritizing their health in the midst of a busy schedule. Hmm.
I don't know what it is, friends, but I guarantee that there are friends in your life that embody some of those characteristics that you could spend more time with. Now, I did this exercise myself. It was really, really interesting for me. Two of the areas that I've been really focused on over the last couple of years have been health and wellness and really, specifically self care and how to do that right. Self care is hard for me. I have three children, I run a business, I have this podcast, and I've got so many great things happening behind the scenes. It's really easy for me to skip some of those things that really rejuvenate me and make me feel rested and make me feel good. I have thought, wow, who does that well in my life? And you know what? A friend came to mind. Her name is Tracy. I love how she invests her money, her time and efforts into making sure that she's the healthiest version of herself now. I thought, how can I get Tracy Moore kind of connected into my life? And you know what? I had her over. We were chatting, and I point blank told her, I love your approach to wellness, to self care, and to some other things, like blended families and co parenting and all sorts of different things. I said, tracy, would you consider spending more time with me? I want to learn these things from you. And you know what? Not only was she completely surprised that I told her I really admired these traits in her, she welcomed the opportunity for a deeper friendship. I met Tracy in a spin class. We were next to each other for months and months and months, and finally one of us said, hey, I'm Tracy.
[00:07:54] Speaker B: I'm Karen.
[00:07:55] Speaker A: And from then on, we kind of became pretty good friends. And when I realized her approach to some of the gaps in the areas that I needed improvement, I thought, wow, I need to spend more time with this person and learn from her. And you know what? I have. She has been such an inspiration in so many areas.
One of the areas that I've also been focusing on is authenticity. And by that, I mean really, truly being who you are, even if it's not something that is popular, or even if you had some sort of experience that you have shame or resentment around, or maybe it was something unusual. I have found the more I am vulnerable and authentic with safe people, my friendships, the depth of them increases exponentially. And that has just been one of my big, big goals right now. So I looked at my list, and you know what? I thought I could use someone who's really good at this. I don't see that right now. And I reached out to Megan. Now, many of you know Megan. She's behind the scenes on this podcast. For many years, we were colleagues, and I would consider her a friend, a good friend at that. But now I consider her a best friend. And this was another deliberate action. I went to lunch with Megan, and I said, I want to spend more time with you. You're really, really radically authentic. You have some ways that you approach spirituality that I'm very, very interested in getting better at. And, my gosh, these two women that I have deliberately scheduled more in my life have shown me all these ways, these tips that I can get better in those areas that I wanted to. So let me review. Look at a list of qualities, of traits, hobbies that you want to get better at. Look at a list of five people you're spending the most time with. Lastly, observe the white space. And by that I mean where are the gaps? Do you not have a friend in those five people or a partner that emulate that quality? Well, you know what? Go find somebody. I'm sure if you dig deep, if you look around, you can find someone who can help you get better. There's no, no easier way than learning something than through someone who's good at it, who's been there and done that. I really, really want you to take this exercise seriously. It has been, like I said, transformational in my life and I have really quite considerably rearranged some of my schedule. So when I do have free time, I can insert those beautiful, lovely women into those spaces and it's just paid dividends. I can't wait to hear from you and hear how this has changed your life. I also want to know what you're focusing on. It's always good to hear from our listeners, and if you're trying to become a better hiker or somebody who's a good yogi, or maybe you want to pick up guitar, who knows? Maybe this community could connect you with a like minded individual. But I love hearing from you, so don't hesitate to reach out on our social channels. Thanks again for joining us today.
[00:11:41] Speaker B: And that brings us to the end of another episode. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. Okay, so if you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. If you're loving what you hear, I would be incredibly grateful if you took just a moment to rate and review this show on your favorite podcast platform. It helps others discover us and it's a great place to share your thoughts, suggestions and ideas for future episodes. For even more exclusive content and detailed show notes, check out our website at. That's spelled out 3564 dot. As always, a huge, huge thank you for spending time with me today during this episode. I appreciate that you tuned in. I'm going to leave you the same way I do every episode. Remember, it's not too late, you're not too old, and you're definitely not dead. Okay, until next time, friends.
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