When It Feels Like Everything Is Falling Apart, Ask Yourself These 3 Things

Feeling emotionally reactive or facing a big decision? Karen introduces a game-changing three-step check-in process that could save you from making choices you’ll regret. Ever sent that text in anger, made an impulsive purchase, or reacted poorly to a situation only to wonder later what you were thinking? This episode reveals the simple but powerful “T.H.H.” framework that helps you pause before making important decisions or emotional reactions. Karen shares vulnerable stories from her own experience with young children and perimenopause, explaining how being tired, hungry, or hormonal can hijack our decision-making abilities. Her practical approach offers immediate relief for anyone who’s ever wondered why they sometimes feel so emotionally dysregulated.

Ready to transform your reactive patterns into thoughtful responses? Karen breaks down each element of the T.H.H. framework with relatable examples and actionable strategies. From keeping snacks in your glove compartment to recognizing hormonal patterns (yes, this applies to men too!), she provides practical tools for better self-awareness. The conversation gets real about perimenopause, intermittent fasting challenges, and those 3 AM parenting moments that can make everything feel extreme. Karen’s friends even use this system to redirect each other during emotional meltdowns. Listeners will walk away with a simple but effective method for identifying when they’re not operating at their best, plus permission to give themselves grace during those inevitable human moments.

In this episode:

• (00:00) Introduction: The T.H.H. Framework for Better Decision-Making
• (01:15) T – Are You Tired? The Sleep Deprivation Decision Trap
• (03:45) Real Talk: Five Years of Sleep Deprivation with Young Kids
• (06:20) H – Are You Hungry? The “Hangry” Factor in Decision-Making
• (09:30) Practical Tips: Keeping Snacks Everywhere for Better Mood
• (11:45) H – Are You Hormonal? Perimenopause Reality Check
• (15:20) It’s Not Just Women: Men and Midlife Hormonal Changes
• (17:40) The Friend Check System: How to Support Each Other
• (20:15) When You Check Multiple Boxes: Emergency Self-Care Protocol
• (22:30) Making Better Decisions When You’re Stable
• (24:45) Tip Jar Information and Closing Thoughts

About:

ThirtyFiveSixtyFour is a podcast for listeners between the ages of 35 and 64. Available on all major podcast platforms, the show offers an engaging journey through the various challenges and experiences of midlife. ThirtyFiveSixtyFour presents a distinct departure from the traditional midlife crisis storyline. Instead, it champions the perspective that midlife should be viewed as a period marked by play, discovery, transformation and possibility.

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Episode Transcript:

So, I’ve noticed that there are three reasons that I should not be reactive or make decisions. I’m gonna go through those with you. They’re very basic and it almost works every time. So let’s dive in. T, are you tired? Now they say no one is getting enough sleep. I don’t know. I try to prioritize my sleep.

I really am one of those people who need like minimum eight hours. I do not do well, operating under a low amount of sleep. And if I am tired, I’m just not thinking straight. I’m not at my best. I can operate. But I’m not operating at the level that I should be if I’m going to make a really important decision.

So do not, whatever you do, do not make a decision that is impactful and important. or react in a way that’s going to change the outcome of your life in the immediate future. If you are tired, I guarantee you are very likely to make the wrong decision. We just don’t think straight when we’re tired. I remember when I was up all the time, it really felt like a period of five years, to be honest with young children.

They needed to be fed, they needed to be changed. Somebody was crying, somebody needed comfort. I have three kids, and at one point in my life, it just felt like all I was doing was responding to their needs all day long and in particular in those midnight hours. Whew, that’s a tough one. you know, between all of us, I remember having some really bizarre.

Thoughts, things that I would never consider, in my rested state, but being so exhausted, everything felt extreme. So if you’re tired, please do not make a decision. You should not make a decision. Wait until you’re rested, or at least when you’ve had time to have more rest. I’ve seen so many really like split choices made, and by split, I mean like in a split second.

Somebody makes a choice and they’re really tired and they immediately regret it. So please check to see if you’re tired. The next thing that I want you to check, are you hungry? Now? I know that sounds really silly. I am one of those people who get hangry. I bet you might be too, and you might not even know it.

But I actually need to eat pretty quickly in the morning. I know a lot of people are into intermittent fasting. They can go till noon, feel great. No, no, no, no. Not me. I’ve gotta get something, even if it’s just a banana or something basic. But I need to get my blood flowing and I need that, you know, I need that food and I know that when I’m hungry.

My mood starts going downhill and I’m talking about, you know, really, really hungry. You know, skipped a meal, and now I’m waiting for this super late reservation at eight when I would much rather eat at six 30, and I’m starting to just be irritated, easier. And be short with people. I just don’t think that like tiredness.

When I’m hungry, I’m not operating at my best. Now there’s a bunch of practical things that we can all do. I normally like to have snacks and stuff all over the place, and so normally in my glove compartment I might have a bag of goldfish or cashews in my purse, in my office. But really.

You’d be surprised at how often we are emotionally dysregulated because we are hungry.

So if you’re trying intermittent fasting, if you’re up all night with a baby, a grandchild, whatever it is, if you’re restless, , most likely you are not also eating well. So being hangry is one thing, but layering that on top of eating poorly. Wow, that’s a whole nother thing. We have other podcasts about that, but watch out if you are hungry.

Do not make a decision, please. It’s not the way to go. Wait until you have your belly full to think straight. Okay. I think the hardest one to identify sometimes is actually number three, which is, are you hormonal? Ooh. Okay. I am hardcore in perimenopause. Last year, I could not say the same thing. I actually thought perimenopause was a bunch of excuses for people being moody and gaining weight and, and all the things.

oh my gosh. Bless all of you ladies and men who are partnered with women who are going through this. It is not for the faint of heart. It is really challenging and on top of maybe perimenopause symptoms that you might be experiencing. Many of us still have a cycle, a regular menstrual cycle that also takes us through ups and downs.

I know my patterns so well. I know I get weepy. I don’t know, four days, three days before I start menstruating, I know that I feel really confident mid cycle. I definitely know my patterns and my emotional states that match with my hormones the older I’ve gotten, the more, I’ve been more connected with all of those things, but.

My goodness. Hormones are a big thing, and I’m not just talking to all the women out there. The men in our lives and middle age are also experiencing. Massive hormonal shifts and I am not an expert. I am not a doctor, but you can definitely know and see when, someone in your life is struggling with low testosterone or other pieces.

Now it’s funny because we may peg that as stress. Or something else, but there’s so many different pieces that men face as well, hormonally. So that’s something to always consider. This isn’t just about women, so this is a classic conversation that will happen with me and my friends on the phone. . I’m melting down about something and this isn’t, you know, common.

I’m always crying or anything, but I’m upset. I call a friend to soothe me and calm me and they know to ask these questions. Are you tired? Are you hungry? Are you hormonal? If I make it through those three questions, and the issue is still there. Then we’ve got a real issue going on. But normally I’m like, oh my gosh, yeah, you know what?

I’m really hungry and I didn’t sleep well last night, and they are so good at redirecting me. Don’t make a decision. Don’t ruminate on this right now. You’re not in a state to handle this at your best. It’s so easy. I wish that I had a button that I could press that said, Karen, are you tired? Are you hungry?

Are you hormonal? If you check one of these boxes, then you probably should not focus or ruminate on this idea right now. Good luck. You know, some sort of automated response that would be really funny. But what I want you to do is really examine these three things. Am I tired? Am I hungry? Am I hormonal?

Ask your friends. Those three things when they come to you and they’re in crisis. It’s so much better to make important decisions, react in other important navigations in life when we are rested, when we are well fed and have nutrition inside of our bodies. And also when we know that we’re in a stable, hormonal state.

I’m gonna say if you check two of those boxes. Oh no. Redirect yourself. Wait. you can get through it in a few days and figure it out if you check all three. Bless. Okay. Just sit back down. Get a tub of ice cream. I don’t know what it is. No, that’s terrible advice. But, but, you know, really identify and give yourself a break.

don’t make the choice, don’t do the reaction. Know that you’re not. making the choice that the stable you would make. This is a really easy way to go through life, identifying how to put off certain things and know when you’re, you’re just in some sort of thought pattern that doesn’t make sense.

You’ve gotta ask yourself, are you tired? Are you hungry? Are you hormonal? I guarantee asking those three questions and putting off that important decision or comment until those are stabilized is gonna make a difference in your life. I hope that TIP works well for you. If you are enjoying this podcast, we have a tip jar.

Go ahead and head over to the show notes. We are a small but mighty team, and all of your donations make a difference to keep our podcast going, so if you feel compelled to donate, we’d love to hear from you and we’d just love to hear from you anyway. It makes our day when you can send comments and notes to us if we’re helping you out and helping you live your best midlife.

Thanks everyone.

 And that brings us to the end of another episode. I hope you enjoyed the content, and I’d love it if you would share this with a friend or family that you think would enjoy it. This is such a great time, middle age, and I wanna spread that message. The best way to do that is to share it, and if you haven’t already followed us or subscribed, make sure to do that so you don’t miss any of our new content.

I’m going to leave you like I do every episode. Remember, it’s never too late. You are not too old, and you’re definitely not dead.