Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Getting help is not weakness or failing. We all have things that we're great at, and I'm sure you have lots of great things that you're great at, listener. And if you want to achieve something but you're not exactly sure how to get there, a coach can be a really good way to help add a multiplier so you don't have to reinvent the wheel.
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[00:01:30] Speaker C: Welcome to welcome to 3564, a podcast for the middle. Today I'm here to introduce you to Ian Thatcher.
Ian is a board certified health and wellness coach, and he brings so much knowledge to the table about all things middle age. He understands what it's like to find a new career, what it's like to go through a divorce, what it's like to date in your middle age. How do I get through aging? All sorts of different things. He's a total expert in guiding people through this process, and I know you're going to have a lot of questions for him, but first, he's going to really talk to us. What is a coach? Who is getting a coach? What kind of coaches are there to why would I want a coach? And really, what is it like to interact with a coach on a regular basis? So many of us have been scrolling through Instagram or YouTube or in our personal lives, and we're coming across a lot of our friends and family who have invested in coaching. So this episode is going to bring you up to speed on what this looks like, why people are doing it, and maybe even by the end of the episode, you'll decide it's something that you want to explore. So let's jump in. Welcome to the show, Ian. It is so good to have you on today.
[00:03:06] Speaker A: Thank you so much. Yeah, I'm really excited to be here and chat with you today.
[00:03:10] Speaker C: So we were connected through a mutual friend and someone who is behind the scenes here at 3564 on the podcast, Megan Steenhouse. She saw you at a high school reunion. How cool is that?
[00:03:25] Speaker A: It was great. You know, I had never been to any of my other high school reunions. And I was like. I was nervous. I was like, man, am I going to remember anybody? Is anyone going to remember me? And Megan walked in and it was just like old times. We were like, oh, yeah, great. These are people that I spent so many years with and immediately jumped back into, like, the friendship. It was awesome.
[00:03:43] Speaker C: That's so cool. I haven't been to a single high school reunion. Am I a bad person?
[00:03:50] Speaker A: I don't know. I mean, this was. My God, I don't even dating myself. It was like, it was my 20th high school reunion, a 20 year high school reunion, and I skipped all the others. It felt like eventually I had to try one.
[00:04:00] Speaker C: Okay. All right, I think I'll sign up for one. I haven't really seen a lot of the folks I went to high school with in years. And I heard this one comment that I kind of love about high school and popularity. It was, you don't want to peak in high school, meaning your best life is lived in those four years in high school, and then the rest is downhill. We know in middle age that it just gets better. It really does.
[00:04:30] Speaker A: Absolutely right. And who knows? Maybe if you do end up going to one of your high school reunions, you also will run into someone who will then connect you with someone cool and get to continue your own journey.
[00:04:40] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I do think people kind of drop into your life for a reason. And I have so many questions for you today. Ian, you are a coach. And tell our listeners, what exactly is a coach?
[00:04:57] Speaker A: I mean, it seems like there are so many coaches out there today, and there is a flavor of coaching for anything and everything. And so what it means to be a coach, I think, can really vary based on the coach's experience, their specialty, and also the clients and what they're looking for. So for me, I'm a behavioral health and wellness coach. So I got my training in behavior change, in how we make decisions, how we follow healthy behaviors. And what I really enjoy focusing on are questions around sort of meaning and purpose, how we're living our lives, how we are making choices that are in line with our values and our goals. But coaching can have a huge range of topics. As I mentioned before, for example, there's a lot of value of health coaches who are specifically focused on helping you to make healthy food choices or healthy exercise choices. There are physical trainers and coaches for the physical realm, there are business coaches. And so what I think really makes a good coach is someone who has a depth of experience and the desire to help people achieve their own goals. Coaching is really about not about me telling you what to do, but about me helping you to develop what you want to do. And then together we figure out a plan or a way to get there.
[00:06:24] Speaker C: I have heard of all sorts of coaches as well. Our listeners know that I have done some executive business coaching. It's not my primary purpose profession. It's something that just sort of landed in my lap. It is such a rewarding experience to be a coach. I have seen some interesting types of coaches pop up. I recently saw an advertisement for a confidence coach. Have you heard of that?
[00:06:50] Speaker A: I've never heard of a confidence coach, but I mean, I've never heard of that specific title. But a lot of what we learn about, at least what I learned about in my coaching coaching training programs was about building self efficacy and building self confidence. And so it sort of seems like having the confidence to pursue your goals or your dreams is a core underlying piece of achieving any goal or dream or doing what you want to do in life.
[00:07:20] Speaker C: For sure, fulfilling your purpose. As you mentioned, sometimes that takes stepping out of your comfort zone and trusting your gut and having the confidence that you can do it. And listen, a coach is supposed to help you do that. I'm really curious, what are the most common things that you help your clients with on a day to day basis?
[00:07:46] Speaker A: It's a really good question, and what I tend to find as I have coached more and more clients is that regardless of the topic, a lot of the building blocks to get there are similar. So whether someone is saying I want to find a new job or I want to get promoted in my current job, or maybe I'm considering starting a side hustle, or I'm trying to balance life with a new family or a new relationship, those are all kind of different things. But a lot of the times they still break down into breaking a complex goal into simple steps, taking consistent action towards your goal and developing systems. Whether it involves daily routines, people in your life, or different structures that support getting to your goal and support that consistent action in incremental steps over time. It's one thing to just set a goal one time. It's another thing to build a system, to do it repeatedly and to make it last.
[00:08:51] Speaker C: Yeah. And having someone to keep you accountable along the way, that is not a friend. Although I could see how a professional relationship between a client and a coach could certainly involve some closeness, if you will. It's different than a friendship, right?
[00:09:13] Speaker A: It definitely is. And, you know, I find that I end up caring for my clients and wanting the best for them in the way that we would hope all of our friends do. But there is also a separation. I am a third party. I'm only exposed to this part of their lives. And that does allow for a little extra accountability or a little extra distance that can be really healthy when someone is surrounded by people who want for the best for them but may not always kind of hold them accountable to the goals that they set for themselves.
[00:09:44] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. It's.
It's hard enough to hold ourselves accountable to the goals that we have or just the daily routine that we need to get through in order to be our best selves. But to do that for friends is hard, too, especially when we have families and partners and jobs. I definitely see why someone like you would be super helpful to just get next level in your life. Tell me what a typical interaction or phone call is with the client. What does that look like?
[00:10:17] Speaker A: Well, coaching sessions, in my experience, typically are either like 30 minutes or 60 minutes. I work generally with clients in 60 minutes sessions, and they typically follow kind of a similar structure where in the beginning we'll talk about whatever's top of mind for the client that day. Sometimes that will end up taking our whole session. Sometimes that's just kind of a quick, like, catch up, and then we get into some longer term things that we've worked. So typically it kind of begins with, like, what's top of mind? I had a client just the other day who had lost a relative, and so we had been working on a job search together, but we ended up speaking the entire time about grief and processing and tools that that person could use for kind of taking this grief in stride, acknowledging the loss, working through it, and still working on their other goals.
[00:11:09] Speaker C: I see. So it really depends on what the client wants to cover, and then, you know, the long term things that you're keeping them accountable for, moving them in the right direction.
[00:11:19] Speaker A: And then we will usually talk about some, you know, what they have been doing, like, circle back on what they, what their goals might have been the previous week. So typically, I meet with clients on a weekly or bi weekly cadence, and so we'll often talk about, like, hey, you know, last week you were doing this. How did that go for you? What were some of the things we learned? Did it work really well? Do we want to continue on that path? Do we want to make some tweaks? And then we'll kind of talk about what they want to continue doing for the next week and what is required to get there. So sometimes it may be that they learn something like, oh, I did this exercise that you assigned me, and I realized that I hated this and I really want to change my direction a little bit. Or sometimes they'll be like, man, you know, I did this thing and it worked way better than I expected. I want to double down and really move in that direction. And then we have to talk about how to actually do that. And so we'll talk about removing barriers, planning what needs to happen in order to kind of move them along towards their goal for the next step.
[00:12:18] Speaker C: So how do you know that you've found the right coach? There's so many different places to find a coach. And, like, how do you know that you've landed with the right person and that it's going to be a good fit?
[00:12:31] Speaker A: Yeah, that's a really good question. There are so many coaches out there, and I do also want to acknowledge that coaching right now is kind of an unregulated industry. And so anyone can hang their shingle and say, I'm a coach, and that makes it challenging. One of the biggest issues right now is for people who want to find a coach that it can be challenging to know who is good or who has the experience or who can really help with whatever it is that you may be working on right now. So my advice is always to interview at least three people, and in that process, to ask questions about how they would help you. You know, talk about what your goals are, how they would help you to get to your goal, or if you're not really sure what you want to work on, but you're like, something's off, how they would help you discover what that is. I would also just get a feel. You know, ask if you want, ask if they can provide any referrals or if they have any testimonials. But really, the biggest thing, I think, is how you feel interacting with that person. That's why interviewing is so important, because sometimes you'll talk to somebody and they just have a style that doesn't resonate with you, or sometimes you feel like, oh, my God, this person is a kindred spirit. I feel like we are totally aligned and they get me and I could really work with this person.
[00:13:50] Speaker C: Yeah, I totally know what you mean. There's just sort of a chemistry, a flow and ease of being yourself and an instant mutual respect. I definitely know what that feels. I actually, when I talked to you for the first time, I remember having that feeling, and I remember saying, I need to talk to you about coaching options.
[00:14:12] Speaker A: Yeah, that was great.
[00:14:13] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, I have a tough question for you. What are some of the themes that you are seeing with clients in middle age? Are there things that you're consistently seeing that we're struggling with?
[00:14:29] Speaker A: I love that question. And, yes, absolutely. There seems to be a really strong theme of people re evaluating their careers right now, where a lot of people. There was a great book that I read a number of years ago, and I'm forgetting the title, but I think it was second mountainous. I can find it and I can send it later. But essentially, the idea of being like, at this point in our lives, a lot of people in middle age have achieved some level of success. A lot of my clients have perhaps climbed the corporate ladder or have sort of mastered a particular area of their career. For me personally, I was in sales for 15 years, and I sort of found myself being like, you know, I've done this for a long time. I'm very good at it. I'm confident in my skills, but I. I'm not really that happy about my career anymore. I want something new. So one of the big themes that I notice right now is people reevaluating their careers and not just what they're doing, but their relationship to work. And as a lot of people are starting families or are aging, parents have different amounts of responsibility outside the workplace. The amount of hours that we worked or the dedication that we gave or the prioritization of work in our lives that worked for us really well in our twenties or in our early thirties is now maybe not working as well or maybe just not as important when we have things like families or relationships or responsibilities outside of work.
[00:16:00] Speaker C: Yeah, you know what? That's a really interesting point. I remember showing up at the office 07:30 a.m. and sometimes leaving at 08:30 p.m. 09:00 p.m. and this is before I had children, before I had all the other things that keep me occupied in life. I was really, really focused on my career, but that doesn't work for us anymore.
[00:16:26] Speaker A: It's hard one of the things that I work a lot of people on is balancing the need for stability and the need for. We all have certain financial obligations, whether you have a mortgage or you're paying rent or you have a family that you need to provide for. But also, how do I find room for myself in that? And how do I find space to do what lights me up and what I enjoy so I don't totally lose my identity while still putting food on the table and meeting my obligations and my responsibilities? So along with this relationship of sort of work life balance, for lack of a better term, there's also a question of who am I in this next phase of life? There's this sort of identity work that a lot of people are doing where, whether we have had children or had big life changes, rediscovering who we are and who we need to be in this next phase of life may require some changes. And a lot of what I think coaching is really helpful on is clarifying what those changes might need to be and then taking action. The tactics of how a lot of people, you can read a million things on the Internet about who you should be or what you need to do or all these things, but the how of applying that to yourself can be kind of challenging, and that's where I think coaching can be really helpful.
[00:17:46] Speaker C: So, Ian, what is the way that people engage with a coach? Is there some sort of, you know, session that you sign up for? Are there multiple sessions? How do you get started? If you're interested?
[00:18:00] Speaker A: I think one of the things that sets coaching apart from therapy, for example, which is something we can talk a little bit more about if we have time, but is that coaching typically focuses on a particular issue, goal, or challenge, as opposed to being a little bit more open ended, which is what a lot of therapy relationships are based on.
I find it takes a while to make change, and so sometimes you can have a lot of progress in a few sessions, but most often it takes somewhere between three to six months per thing that someone is working on. I have clients who have been with me for a couple of years, but typically that is sort of a progression of like, okay, cool, we achieved this one goal, and now I want to work on this next thing. And it's kind of a rolling set of issues that we tackle together. But I would say in order to make meaningful change on a goal, expect to spend three to six months, and probably more closer to six months working on whatever it is that you want to achieve. And often that's important because some of the time in the beginning is focused on clarifying what exactly you do want to achieve. I work a lot with people, to your point about rediscovering yourself on what are my values and what is it that I really want to achieve. And if I have an idea of what I want to achieve, how can we get really specific about that so that we can break it down into specific steps and then start working on those week to week?
[00:19:34] Speaker C: Ian, what does it look like working with you? Do you have availability? Is there a way that our listeners should reach out to you if they're interested?
[00:19:44] Speaker A: Yes. Thank you. I have a website. My website is coachthatcher.com dot. I tend to do a have a process where I do a free 15 minutes consultation with anybody. If you just want to learn about coaching, wow.
Just chat about what you want to work on and I will give you my suggestion. Sometimes that is working with me, sometimes that might be, hey, actually it sounds like what you're looking for as a therapist or something else. So I'm very transparent in that phase. Then we'll usually do a 1 hour intake session where that is really focused on me getting to know you. And it's really like, what are your goals? What do you want to work on? What's your history? You know, we'll learn a little bit about you as a person, and then we'll start on the journey. And a part of the work will be, as I mentioned, clarifying and honing what you want to do, and a part of it will be actually taking action. And some of it will be resources for learning or reading or, you know, I have a lot of different tools to help get where you want to go. I have like this, this analogy I like to use. Like, I'm the co pilot on your road trip. You're the driver. You're deciding where we're going to go. But I've got great tunes. I've got snacks. I've got good jokes. I got a map, so I'll help get there. But you're the one in the driver's seat.
[00:20:57] Speaker C: Yeah, I like it. It's. It's a journey that you take, but you're not alone. Ian, what would you tell our listeners if you could give them one blurb about why you should consider getting a coach? What would it be?
[00:21:17] Speaker A: Getting help is not weakness or failing. We all have things that we're great at, and I'm sure you have lots of great things that you're great at, listener, and if you want to achieve something, but you're not exactly sure how to get there. A coach can be a really good way to help add a multiplier so you don't have to reinvent the deal. You are still going to achieve your goals, and you can do even more by not having to waste your time figuring out some of the stuff that you could just work with somebody else on, and they can really help you be effective with your time. And whether it is about finding your own personal inner voice, whether it is about changing careers or developing your career, being more present with your family, there are people out there who can help you to do it in a way that lets you get on with doing it.
[00:22:09] Speaker C: I'm signing up.
You have a believer in me, that's for sure.
I'm going to add to that and just tell our listeners that one of the best things you can do is invest in yourself.
That's been something that I've been trying to focus on really heavily in the last two years, is be the best version of myself and get whatever help you need to do that. And sometimes that's a good massage, and sometimes that's a workout, and sometimes that's just chilling on the couch, and sometimes that's a therapist and other times that's a coach. So if you're hesitant to reach out and do something different like this, I would say give it a shot. Some of these things are so transformational. It's not one of the things you'd ever regret doing. It's, I wish I would have sooner. I bet that's the case with most of your clients.
[00:23:12] Speaker A: Yeah. And, you know, it is such a cool experience when we get to the three month mark or the six month mark, to ask somebody, hey, like, look back over the last few months, think about where you were and where you are now, and just to see that, that light of not just, oh, my God, I'm so much farther, but I did this.
That feeling of gratification, of self, of pride in yourself, to your point, I invested in myself. I made these changes that maybe I didn't think I ever could. It is so common to talk to my clients and hear them be like, I can't believe I was able to do this. And that's the joy, because really that coaching is about, like you said, investing in yourself and helping clients to realize that they can do it. They have the tools to do it. It's not me doing that work, it's them. It's you listener, doing that work.
[00:24:03] Speaker C: Well, Ian, I hope to have you back. I have so many different questions for you. I know our listeners are going to send quite a lot of questions in as well. I really hope you'll come back on the show. You've been so fantastic.
[00:24:15] Speaker A: Thank you. I would love to be back. This was a great conversation. I really like talking about this stuff and generally, hopefully your listeners, if there is something they're working on, will reach out to somebody and take that moment to invest in themselves because it's similar to what you said. Some of the best work that I've done is working with a coach, working with a therapist, and investing in myself. So thank you for having me on and I would love to talk again sometime soon.
[00:24:40] Speaker C: Yeah, thank you so much for coming, Ian.
And that brings us to the end of another episode. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. Okay, so if you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. If you're loving what you hear. I would be incredibly grateful if you took just a moment to rate and review this show on your favorite podcast platform. It helps others discover us and it's a great place to share your thoughts, suggestions and ideas for future episodes. For even more exclusive content and detailed show notes, check out our website at 3564 dot and that's spelled out 3564.com. As always, a huge, huge thank you for spending time with me today during this episode. I appreciate that you tuned in. I'm going to leave you the same way I do every episode. Remember, it's not too late, you're not too old, and you're definitely not dead. Okay? Until next time, friends.
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