Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:08] Welcome to 3564, a podcast for the middle you middle agers out there between 35 and 64. We know where it's at. Totally tough stuff in this phase and there's some super great stuff. And approaching it with all the wisdom and experience we have, I think sets us up to live our best life. Today I want to talk to you about something that I am working on and I want to personally challenge you to work on it as well. It is. Drumroll. Nobody wants to do it. And everyone talks about it. Vulnerability.
[00:00:56] So some of you are like, I'm gonna change podcasts now. I don't wanna listen to this. No, stay. I wanna talk to you about this. And I have set myself up this year in 2025 to focus on a couple of things. And specifically one of my goals is to focus on authenticity and vulnerability. So what does vulnerability mean? So for me, not the Webster's dictionary, but for me, vulnerability is allowing somebody to see all sides of you, including ones that are not flattering, including things that are high emotion. So sometimes it's hard for people to show love and showing love for them is being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is normally difficult and does not come natural. In fact, I'm gonna tell you that I've been an expert in not being vulnerable, but thinking that I was, I was sort of masterful in my earlier life of putting on, I'm not gonna call it a show, I'll say reciting a script that I think sounds vulnerable but isn't really. You know what I mean? Right. So some things like don't look all that flattering. Like, oh man, I just got some gray hair. That's not being vulnerable. Although I get it. Getting gray hair when you first get it is kind of a bust. But being vulnerable is saying something that is hard, acting in a way that is hard so someone else sees the real you. I have been taking a look at some of my friendships and relationships that, you know, I spend time with different people and I want to just caveat this whole conversation by saying it is not appropriate to always be vulnerable. You need to make sure that you're talking to a safe person and someone in a position that makes sense to be vulnerable with. It might not make sense to be vulnerable with your mother in law. Maybe she's great, maybe she's not. It might not make sense to be vulnerable with someone who, you know, gossips. It might not make sense to be vulnerable to your boss, your client, your colleague. Choose wisely. My first piece of advice is if you are going to tackle this with me, choose. Choose wisely. I have an interesting example that I think all of you or most of you can relate to. I have a lifelong bestie who I grew up living very close with. We did all of our activities together and about, I don't know, five years ago she moved away to a place that requires a 10 hour drive. So I no longer get to see her on the daily. And most of our communication is via text, sometimes funny Instagram messages, and rarely phone calls and visits. So I have tried to ramp up my phone calls with people recently who matter to me because I find that I can connect with them a lot better.
[00:04:33] But a typical phone call in the past and she's probably going to listen to this and be like, oh my gosh. A typical phone call was kind of like a little surface y, how are you? How's your husband?
[00:04:49] How's the house going? How are the kids? What's going on with sports? And you know, you can like fill a good 30 minutes talking about sort of surfacey things that are interesting and you want to know but don't really connect you with somebody. So it was really crazy. I totally approached this conversation different. I called her and she said, how are you? What's going on? And I thought, I'm just going to dive in here. Tried to be vulnerable. And I said, I have been seriously struggling with brain fog, fatigue and other signs of perimenopause. And I finally understand my hormones are changing, which kind of makes me, oh my God, I'm really getting older. And I went on to tell her that things had gotten so concerning for me that I needed to seek out support with a perimenopause specialist. And I now find myself on hormone replacement therapy, estrogen patches actually. And after I went through this whole diatribe of what wasn't going well in my life, you know what the best thing was? She said, me too. I would have never known that she was struggling with those things. And as a friend, I would have never been able to help or support her. I was then able to provide her resources that have worked really, really well for me so she could then, then seek those out and get help herself. It's just like the most beautiful example of how being vulnerable with the right safe person is worth the risk. I just had something happen the other day. I was getting my hair cut and colored with my hairstylist. She's super awesome and she spends a lot of time with my kids because they're in sports together. Bless the Carpool. I couldn't do life without some people, and she is one of them, her and her family. And I decided to ask her for support with something. In fact, I sort of. My heart beats a little fast right now because it's hard for me to admit and it feels vulnerable, but here we go. It has been really hard for me as a single mom with a busy lifestyle and a lot going on with my three beautiful children to make healthy meals and provide healthy options. In particular, unprocessed, great quality food. I have struggled with that and it's been super duper easy for me to pop in pizza bagels or, you know, go to Chick Fil A or make quesadillas. Listen, all of those options are not bad, but when you're struggling with getting your children to find healthier options and now they're only used to, like, ultra processed food is, like, hard. Okay? So I'm struggling with this. And I knew that she was a safe person, a safe family for me to tell this to because she feeds my kids a lot. This is just another really cool example of why I want you to do this. I told her this. I also told her that in my childhood, we had no access to any processed food. Everything was uber healthy. No red meat, low fat. And, you know, I swung the other way with the pendulum and I went way too open. Access to everything and control yourself and no food is evil. I think that there's a nice balance, right, of providing healthy options and educating our children and our loved ones about what is healthy. You. You know, I've been on a journey with food myself, making sure that my choices, my relationship with food is healthy. It will always be a life struggle for me. However, I wanna set my kids up for success here. And I told her everything about my childhood, about having restricted access to food, about how I went the wrong direction. And it was the coolest thing you guys. She said, first off, I fully support you and I will do anything I can to get you and the kids back on board and support. So that was like a big win. She then said, I have been on a journey with my family of reducing added sugars. So we're trying really hard to focus on things that have no added sugar in them. And I said, wow, this is kind of a nice blend. What you are working on is ultimately where I'm trying to get to. And then she also went on to say she understands what it's like for people to struggle with food, that she herself has a tendency to want to overeat if she's feeling emotional, and I gotta tell you, she was a safe person to say this to. I knew that likely she would support me, but it was still hard because it made me feel like a bad parent, it made me feel like a failure, it didn't make me look good. And ultimately I was received with love, with support, with understanding, and we gotcha. I want to encourage you to find somebody to call today, someone who's safe and be vulnerable with them. They there's that famous saying, don't waste a hurt. There is somebody out there in your life that needs to know how to navigate a difficult decision. And you might be the person to help them do that. I have had this happen to me so many times in life where someone reveals some sort of vulnerability, and then I needed to know the path they took to get through the storm, the challenge, the trauma. And I was able to take a shortcut to that because of their experience and their advice. So my challenge, my very difficult challenge to you is to assess who in your life can you be vulnerable with? Who are safe people to do that and go all in with them, Call them today. Tell them what you're struggling with. Tell them something you want to work on. Tell them it's hard for you to say this because it feels uncomfortable and it makes me feel like I look bad. Do all of it. The connection and the level of intimacy that can happen with your friendships, your relationships, the safe people, really blows all of that surface y stuff out of the water. You only need a handful of really good friends who can do this instead of the hundred acquaintances that you're liking their stuff on Instagram. So much more valuable to know that someone loves you, someone supports you, someone sees you who you really are, and nonetheless, you are loved more. Thanks for joining us today. Can't wait to hear how this challenge goes. Have a great afternoon or morning. I guess you could be listening to this while you're folding laundry and getting ready for work or your morning walk. Either way, have a good one.
[00:12:49] And that brings us to the end of another episode. I hope you enjoyed the content and I'd love it if you would share this with a friend or family that you think would enjoy it. This is such a great time. Middle age, and I want to spread that message. The best way to do that is to share it. And if you haven't already followed us or subscribed, make sure to do that so you don't miss any of our new content.
[00:13:22] I'm going to leave you like I do every episode. Remember it's never too late, you're not too old, and you're definitely not dead.
[00:13:39] Today's episode is brought to you by Dana Krieth Lighting where artisanal craftsmanship meets innovative design. Are you searching for lighting that stands out from the rest? You've got to check out Dana Kreith Lighting Handcrafted in Southern California, each piece exudes attention to detail and commitment to quality. Say goodbye to replacements and hello to long lasting beauty. Visit danacreeth.com that's-a n a c r e a t dash.com to view their stunning collections. Or stop by their showroom at 1822 Newport Boulevard in Costa Mesa, California. Dana Kreith Lighting where elegance meets innovation.
