Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Once you have set that mindset, I am sexy. Think about what your favorite asset is. Is it your smile? Is it your decolletage? Is it your legs? Is it your biceps? And play it up. Hey girl, if you've got cleavage and you're wearing something that shows this gorgeous cleavage, who cares what the rest of you looks like? There you are, sexy.
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[00:01:35] Speaker D: Welcome to another episode here at 35 64, a podcast for the middle. Today I am welcoming guest Kim Selby to the show. My goodness, this woman has such a zest for life, such a wonderful, warm personality and such a unique, positive approach to all things aging in particular, how to navigate life and your body with confidence at any age. I ask her tons of questions. How were you in a lingerie ad in your sixties? What are you still insecure about and how do you navigate that? What are some tips and tricks that our listeners as well as myself can use when we enter into those social atmospheres that we might not feel that confident in? She has so many gems. We dive into lots of things and lots of diversions here around. What is it like to get plastic surgery? Who gets it? Is it okay? What should our beauty standards be? All sorts of interesting conversations that come back to this one hub of real inner beauty is when you look most beautiful on the outside. Welcome to the show, Kim. It is so good to have you.
[00:03:02] Speaker A: Thank you for inviting me, Karen. I am thrilled to be on the other side of the mic.
[00:03:07] Speaker D: Well, one of our mutual friends connected us. She told me. I have a friend who has this awesome podcast called ignite your spark, and she has to be on. She has such a good personality perspective. She needs to talk to our listeners. So here we are.
[00:03:28] Speaker A: Well, thank you, Megan. Thank you. Thanks, Karen. I hope I will bring insights, laughter, value, and inspiration to your listeners.
[00:03:39] Speaker D: Yes, well, I know you will. I've listened to at least four of your episodes now, and I've officially followed you, so I look forward to hearing what you continue to put out. But what I'd love to do is actually just introduce you to our listeners. Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?
[00:04:01] Speaker A: Sure. But being the age I am a little bit, I have lots to say. Having lived six decades, you know, plus, I. Gosh, you know, as I said, it's sort of a long story. When I was little, people would say to me, what do you want to be when you grow up? And I would say, a star. Now, I had no idea what a star meant, but I loved movies and I loved theater. And the first time I stepped on a stage, I was probably five. And I loved the applause. Now they were just applauding because there's a bunch of cute five year old girls up there dancing around. Something in me lit up at that moment, and I just knew I needed to be on stage now, that being said, I did every theatrical thing I could possibly do as a child, but there weren't options. Like, my parents didn't want me to be an actress, so they didn't pursue that for me. But I danced and did all of that. And I say that because that is sort of the driving force behind almost everything I have done, is making people laugh and being creative. So that's kind of like that part. And then I've also always loved fashion. My dad would buy really cute clothes for my mom and I. Okay. He loved fashion. So marry those two together. And probably my favorite job, job of all times was when I worked for Glamour magazine and traveled around the country and brought the pages of the magazine to life.
Hundreds and hundreds. Yeah.
[00:05:35] Speaker D: That's so cool. I still like their top beauty list. I think they release that every year. Best products. I still look at that. Yeah.
[00:05:43] Speaker A: Yeah, me too. I love it. It was such a fabulous job. I lived in Manhattan. I mean, there's a lot to my history, you know, college, graduate school. In graduate school, my mother passed away. I was 22, finished out the year, and thought I'd be a broadcast journalist. Aha. Comes back to what I'm doing now, interestingly enough. And I just moved to Manhattan because all my friends were there and had a variety of jobs. Ended up at glamour, did community theater the entire time. I lived in Manhattan for eight years.
[00:06:15] Speaker D: Wow. Wow.
[00:06:17] Speaker A: I did musicals up the wazoo. It was community theater was right on Park Avenue on 50th at this wonderful space. So I always kept my hand in it for a year in there. I tried to be an actress, so to speak, but I couldn't get an agent. I was wrong. I was this, I was that. And I also liked making money more than I liked being poor. So there is that.
[00:06:39] Speaker D: Well, that. Actually, Kim, that brings me to a really good question. And one of the things that stood out immediately when I learned about you and your story was you were recently in a lingerie video ad, a commercial. I one anyone who stands up in their bra and underwear or their boxers, whatever it is, wow. There's a lot of confidence required to do something like that. And I even thought, would I be able to do that in my prime, you know, when I was the fittest I've ever been. And, you know, somewhere in my mid twenties, and you in this commercial, which I'm going to drop into the show notes, you rock it, girl. You look happy and you look fully confident. Tell me about that experience for you.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: Thank you for that. It's interesting. When I auditioned for it, my agent sent me this audition, and you had to audition in a bra and underwear. So I chose a black bra and black underwear that looked like a bathing suit. So I felt okay. And I have worn two piece bathing suits. I probably won't now just because I don't want the sun on my body. And I feel good about myself because I work out all the time. I do. And I thought, hey, if they want to see me in my bra and underwear, well, then they can see me. You know, they clearly knew they were getting a 60 plus woman. So I auditioned and I shook my little high knee in the audition, and I felt good about the audition, and I was hired and thrilled to do it. And it's such an amazing company. Harper wild. I mean, it is so amazing because they are really all about body positivity. And there were three of us over 60 in this commercial, and the rest, I would say, were all shapes and sizes.
[00:08:39] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:08:40] Speaker A: And I admire them for putting themselves out there. Now, I wasn't in the commercial for very long, but I will tell you the funniest thing. We sat around a lot all day, because as you deal with commercials waiting. And the first part we were filming, we were dressed, and then it was about 02:00 03:00 time for lunch. Starving, right? So we sit down and I'm like, I'm just gonna eat. I don't know. Well, whose stomach pooches out when she eats me. And the next shot was the Braun underwear. I was self conscious about that because I was very thin in the morning, and then in the afternoon, I had a pooch. And they did a lot of stuff. Still photos. And I was embarrassed about them. I didn't think they looked darn good, but I had a great time in the video portion. You're moving, you're running. I just. I just decided to celebrate who I was because they were celebrating women of all shapes and sizes. And I applaud them for that. I just did it.
[00:09:36] Speaker D: Yeah.
Yeah. Well, I was doing some research, and I was sad to actually find this specific statistic that nine out of ten people in middle age will avoid a party that involves a pool, beach, lake, because they need to be in a bathing suit. And that made me really sad. Kim, I would hate for people to miss out on life because they feel uncomfortable in their own skin. What do you think about that statistic?
[00:10:14] Speaker A: Oh, Karen, that does not surprise me in the least, because I have friends who won't even show their arms because they're wrinkled and crepey, and they are. Mine are, you know, they're toned, but there's wrinkles and crepe. And it makes me so sad. But I mean, look at what the media has done and what society, the paradigms, you know, you have to be gorgeous to put on a bathing suit and sit by a pool. Why don't they ever show people, you know, with a little pooch hanging out by a pool? They just don't do that. And it makes me sad, but I'm not surprised at all. And of course, I like to work with women to help them increase their self esteem. But we have been told for decades that only the beautiful wear the bikinis now. It's not that way in Europe. It's not that way at all. I don't know what it is about the states where we do not embrace bodies of all shapes, sizes and ages.
[00:11:09] Speaker D: Yeah, and we're talking about bikinis. This statistic was actually all sexes included. So men are also struggling with this very thing, taking off their shirt and being in front of other people. And it breaks my heart that this confidence is non existent with quite a few of our friends and family.
You had the confidence to record this commercial, and you even struggled in the middle of the commercial after you had eaten lunch. What kind of advice would you give our listener, our middle aged listener who is about to go to a pool party this weekend and is struggling to even RSVP because they don't want to wear a bathing suit?
[00:11:59] Speaker A: Oh, just do it anyway. Really? We think that people are judging us because it's all about us. Our egos take over when guess what? They're really not. Because everybody has their own insecurity. Now, they may have a flat stomach, but then they will have jiggly thighs, you know, I mean, if I try to release judgment, it's one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn. But as you age, you realize, you know, judge not lest ye be judged, says the Bible. And I don't go to church, but I know that saying, you know, I mean, I think you just release it. What I would say is, go anyway. Put on a cover up. I mean, so what? But just go put your bathing suit on. Show that you're trying to do this right. You just have to step into your authentic self. And, Karen, I don't know if that resonates with you, but it's like everybody else has got an issue. I mean, we're not talking a bunch of 20 year old beautiful women, right?
[00:13:02] Speaker D: Yeah. And you know what, Kim? This has been one of those lessons that age has refined for me. I have three children, and I am 44. And over the course of having each child, you know, there was a bit here, a sag there, a chunk here, and a stretch mark there.
I don't know when it flipped, but there was a moment sometime, and I wish I could remember what happened where I said, my body is to be celebrated. I had three children. I hiked that mountain. I river rafted that stream. It turned from a judgment on myself to a celebration of what my body has done for me so far. So that has helped me. That really did help me.
[00:13:57] Speaker A: You just said it perfectly right there. That that's what you have to do is celebrate what you have accomplished in this life. And it's interesting, because I know I'm thin, you know, and I get that it's just my body type, and I work out a lot, so that's the way it is. But I have that same thing with wrinkles. You have to say, you know what? I earned every one of these wrinkles. So be it. So my skin is saggy. I mean, we age people. There is no such thing as anti aging. We're all going to age.
[00:14:27] Speaker D: Yeah. Well, one of the podcast episodes that I listened to of yours just last night, and I will drop it into the show notes for quick access for our listeners. Is your episode on gray hair?
[00:14:40] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:14:41] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:14:42] Speaker A: I mean, that's. It's still. I've finally come to embrace it, and it's been three years since I let it go naturally. And my transition, though, Karen Washington, so easy. It was the pandemic my stylist left. I was doing it at home, and it was very. It was coming out very light blonde, and I'm like, wait, it looks the same underneath that. I'm just gonna go white. Because it went white. I was very fortunate I never went through gray. It just went straight to white. I probably had this hiding under color for 20 years. I don't know, but I think it's.
It's hard. I have felt older than my friends. I have felt that I look older because I have white hair, and I'll see someone with this gorgeous blonde, beautifully, freshly highlighted hair, and I'm like, oh, yeah. Hey, I'm not gonna lie. I get the, oh, I miss that. I miss that. I embrace it. My husband says, your hair is beautiful. It's kind of your signature, so. Okay, I'll take it.
[00:15:41] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah. I love that. I started getting gray hair right around when I turned 40, and it's mostly at my temples, stray hairs kind of popping in here and there. I always wanted, and I promised myself that when I age, I want to have long hair still. I don't know what that looks like. But, you know, there's so many shortcuts, especially for women, and I thought, I want to do this right, and when the time comes, I want to have some really beautiful silver locks that are long.
[00:16:16] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, Robin, the woman you're speaking of that, I interviewed her magazine, tangled. Sister tangled. Sister tangled. Okay, I'll get it wrong. Sorry, Robin, but her hair is so long. I mean, it is so long and silver, and I love it. If my hair would grow, I would contemplate it, but I actually like the way it is now, you know? So I just keep it the way it is.
[00:16:40] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's interesting. I was just sort of thinking about the things that make women and or men masculine, feminine, feeling sexy. And, you know. What is your advice to our listeners in middle age who are in their fifties, sixties, forties, and they want to embrace feeling sexy, but they also feel, as you said, crepey or gray hair, or as I said, stretch marks. What would you tell them?
[00:17:16] Speaker A: It's a mindset. First of all, I'm a big believer in affirmations and mindset shifts. And the first thing to do is if you want to feel sexy, you take a sticky note and you write, I am sexy. And you put it on your computer, you put it on your refrigerator, you put it on your bathroom mirror, wherever you can see it, and repeat that until your brain believes it and you are. Now, I also have a background in fashion, so once you have set that mindset, I am sexy. Think about what your favorite asset is. Is it your smile?
Is it your decolletage? Is it your legs? Is it your biceps? And play it up. Hey, girl, if you've got cleavage and you're wearing something that shows this gorgeous cleavage, who cares what the rest of you looks like? There you are. Sexy. If you have great legs, great legs. I mean, I used to have. I mean, the shape of my legs is great, but they're covered with brown spots now. But if you have great legs, show those legs, girl. Wear short skirt. No one says that you are not allowed to wear that. You need to enhance your favorite asset. Wear a bold lip if you've got these gorgeous lips. Hey, you love your ears. Put on some fun earrings because the attention is going to go where you want it to when you focus on that part of you which you believe is sexy.
[00:18:54] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah. What do you love most about your body, Kim?
[00:18:58] Speaker A: I love my body. I don't know. I love all of my body, okay. Except for my toes, because I was a ballet dancer and I jammed them in toe shoes, and now I have, like, curled and over old lady toes. So that's like something I don't like. But I like that I have strong arms. I like my legs. I like it all because I have changed that. I encourage myself every day to like it all. I am beautiful in the mirror. I am beautiful. Eventually you will believe it because there is something beautiful about all of us.
[00:19:29] Speaker D: Yeah. I am handsome. I am beautiful. I am huge into affirmations as well. Big. Love them. And actually, in a past episode, we had a guest on. Her name is Tiffany, and she does exactly what you do, like the post its, but she has this box of her wins in life. So she'll pull a note card and say, that was a good meeting. And I got that promotion and I had these two beautiful children. And so she has this way of affirming herself with her own notes. I like to listen to some audio affirmations on a regular basis. And you said you love post its.
[00:20:10] Speaker A: Well, I do. I have them on my computer now. Look, in fact, there's one. I am successful. I don't know, if you can read it, some of the same ones stay there, but I do change them up. The other thing I do, and I have a. I used to produce fashion shows. I had my own fashion show production company for 20 years, and I would get thank you notes from the people in charge or some of the models. They were not professional models. And I have a huge file of them and I pop them in there. And if I feel I need a little inspiration, I pull that out and it tells me how wonderful I am. Sometimes it's hard to tell yourself how wonderful you are. So I love what your friend or your guest did as well.
[00:20:47] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I want to see if you resonate with this. I love to read, and I love to intake information. Some of it is useless. Some of it is helpful. Some point in my life, and I was reading this statistic, and I'm curious what you think it said. You can tell how sexy someone feels by looking at the quality of their underwear drawer.
[00:21:14] Speaker A: Yeah, sorry, I'm not going to agree with that.
[00:21:17] Speaker D: I thought it was interesting. So then I went and, you know, refreshed all my underwear. So it was, you know, cute and Lacy and. And fun.
[00:21:25] Speaker A: Well, I mean, there is that. I mean, I would say the majority of my underwear from target. Not that they're not cute, but it just so happens that I like the brand and I do get colorful ones. But if someone were to base it my, it's also very messy because I am messy. I am a creative person, so things are messy in my life. But that's okay. Okay. That's an interesting statistic, isn't it?
[00:21:55] Speaker D: I did think I do tell my friends who feel unsexy. I'm like, well, at least, what are you wearing? Like, do you feel confident in your clothes? Do they fit well? And, like, start there. If that's something that you can physically change easily, get a cute outfit. And, you know, you do feel good when you take the moment to put yourself together and to wear clothes that are flattering. Like you said earlier, I wear what works. Highlight what you got.
[00:22:22] Speaker A: Absolutely. In fact, I thought that's where you were going about how they wear. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be something that flatters you. I kind of get bugged when my podcast guests will show up in a t shirt and messy hair, and I always tell them, be camera ready. And I'm like, do you not have enough self respect to want to look good? And some of them just don't care. Okay. That's the way they are. I get it. But if someone is feeling like they're not sexy, not worthy, not feeling great about themselves, hey, zhuzh up an outfit. Put on some earrings. You know, get a little lipstick. Even if you're not used to wearing it, put on something, you know, lip tint. I think it really helps.
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[00:24:06] Speaker D: I have a busy schedule. I have three children, and I'm trying to run a marketing agency. I've got this podcast. I have lots of good people in my life, and there are some days where I'm not able to take a shower and totally do my hair and makeup. And I do sometimes feel a little more frumpy on those days, to be honest. But I know the minute that I take the 30 minutes to prep and get ready, I do feel a lot better. I really do.
[00:24:39] Speaker A: Well, I mean, there are days I stay in my yoga clothes until late afternoon, but I always. And recently I posted a social media post of me with no makeup because I had to audition for something. Absolutely none. And I decided, I'm just gonna put this out there. Here's me with no makeup. That's rare because even when I go to the gym, I put some sunscreen or some light foundation my eyebrows and lips on because that makes me feel good. I don't care if anyone else does it, but even if I'm not dressing, it makes me feel good. And I feel like I'm putting a better face out into the world.
[00:25:17] Speaker D: Yeah, there's a real fine line. How do you know if it's something that makes you feel good or that it's an external beauty standard that you're now trying to meet. That's a tough one.
[00:25:27] Speaker A: It is tough, but it's listening to your gut, it's listening to your intuition. It's being still. One of the most important things that I tell people is that you have to, even if you're not going to meditate, take a minute to yourself every morning and close your eyes and see what comes to you. And that is a great way to start your day. And it's listening to that still, small voice inside. Because you will know when it's your ego versus your authentic self. And I do it because I want to. But of course, I'm at the age where I'm not going to listen to anyone else now and tell me that I should or shouldn't.
[00:26:08] Speaker D: I love that. I remember. This is sort of a funny story for you. I frequented the beach, living in southern California my whole teenage twenties, and I still go all the time. And I remember seeing these people working out on the beach, thinking, what are they doing? They look stupid. And, you know, this is when I was really young and would judge. And now when I walk on the beach, I have these weights and I'm doing all sorts of stuff. And all I think is I know that the young people are laughing at me and I don't really care.
[00:26:47] Speaker A: Right. I mean, I do it when I'm walking. Sometimes I'll have weights. And I used to laugh at the old people who had weights when they were walking. I'm like, go to a gym. I go to a gym too, but days I can't. I use my little weights and it's like a dork.
[00:26:59] Speaker D: Yeah. Okay, so I am the dork walking the Newport beach beach strands. I got my pink weights and I'm doing all sorts of stuff. But it is liberating to not care.
[00:27:13] Speaker A: Yeah, it is.
[00:27:14] Speaker D: It feels good. I wish I could have gotten to that place earlier.
[00:27:18] Speaker A: I have not cared for a long time. I just have that personality where I am, who I am. But not always. I mean, certainly as a teenager, no, but I'm going to say into 2030 years. Yes, I have felt that way. But sadly, Karen, I have to say that I know people my age who are very obsessed with looks and how they are perceived. So it's not everybody that chooses to embrace their authentic self, but I wish they would.
[00:27:53] Speaker D: I'm going to ask you a tough question. I don't think that there's a right or wrong answer here. What is your thoughts on a lot of the beauty interventions that happen nowadays?
BBls and the Botox and the fillers and all the things. I'm curious what your thoughts are.
[00:28:17] Speaker A: What's a BBL? I don't even know.
[00:28:19] Speaker D: Oh, that's a brazilian butt lift.
[00:28:22] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
[00:28:23] Speaker D: Yeah, it's very popular.
And they take these rumps, these bottoms that are flat for some reason, just genetics or sagging or whatever, and they. They bring it up and round. Thank Kim Kardashian. But that's the extreme. Yeah.
[00:28:43] Speaker A: I was not aware that it had little, you know, initials to call it that.
[00:28:47] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:28:48] Speaker A: Okay. So a couple of things. I think it's way overdone. I think everything about that is way overdone. On the other hand, if it makes you feel good to get some botox or get some filler, I mean, who am I to judge?
I don't think face lifts are necessary. I don't think someone should cut their face and pull it back. I think that's kind of grody. And especially because people are so young, I can look and see who's had lip fillers. I can look at someone and say, oh, facelift. Now, there are some very good facelifts out there, I might say, especially my area in Silicon Valley. Some people who look a lot younger than me, and I know they're my age, but that's their choice. You know, we each do what we want. It's your choice to do that. It's like, color your hair, don't color your hair. I think it gets. When it gets excessive, or someone really is doing it because for the wrong reasons. If it makes you feel good, okay, do it. If you are doing it in order to be accepted or for a reason that is not a good reason, then I don't agree with it. But each of us is here on this earth to live our own lives, and I wouldn't want someone telling me, you can't go gray. You have to keep coloring your hair. So why should I say to someone, you go gray? I think it's totally up to everyone to choose their path. I don't think getting cut into is right unless it's necessary for your survival, shall we say?
[00:30:20] Speaker D: Yeah, I know there's a lot of differing opinions there, and I don't have a particular stance. I know I honor everyone's individual opinions, and I have had my own journey in that area to fully disclose. After breastfeeding three children, I was not confident in the way that my chest looked, and I was single and out of my own desire to feel confident that I thought would make me feel better. I got a breast lift done. And it was so good for me, not for a man or a girlfriend or my family or whoever. I felt better afterwards. And so it sounds like those are the kind of stories that you would support if this is your individual choice and you know that it's going to bring you some sort of confidence.
[00:31:19] Speaker A: Absolutely, Karen. I know very many women who've done the same thing. That's why I didn't mention the breast word in there, you know, because that is such a personal thing. Now, if you are doing it. And I have also encountered someone who did it because her husband wanted her to do it. I disagree with that. That's where I would say, no, hey, listen, have. I haven't thought about it because I don't want to get cut, but I've always been very flat chested. But you know what? I can also just, like, put some chicken cutlets in there and look bigger. But I, again, I think that is empowering you. There is nothing wrong with that. And just, like, dying your hair, there is nothing wrong with that. Or plucking or getting wax. Getting your eyebrows waxed. Oh, I've had botox, so I, you know, a little well placed botox every now and then. Hey, I'm okay with that because it makes me feel good. There you go.
[00:32:12] Speaker D: Yeah, I think. I think what I don't like is when people pretend that that's how they always were, you know, or, yeah, I'm this beautiful, and. And it's like, wow, your neck is very tight and you're 70.
And I'm like, good for you. I actually totally support it if it's, once again, someone wants to do it on their own accord and they have the means or whatever. But, yeah, when people deny that, I think even in the celebrity world, I think fans get very disappointed when they hear that this celebrity wasn't honest about the five nose jobs and the, you know, whatever they did, because it just creates this unattainable standard that looks as if it's just natural.
[00:33:07] Speaker A: Right? I would agree with you 100%, Karen, that just tell people, so what?
[00:33:14] Speaker D: So what?
[00:33:14] Speaker A: I mean, like, Cher has had any work done? Yeah, I think Cher has had a lot of work done. My favorite thing, Karen, is I heard Jane Fonda interviewed once, and she's. And they were saying, you look so good. And, you know, now she's past 80. I think she was in her late seventies. She said, yeah, it's called money. I have a lot of money. Plastic surgery and a trainer. Of course I look good. And I thought, good for you?
[00:33:40] Speaker D: Yeah. Just total honesty. And there's like a theme here, a thread, and it's the. So what? Who cares? It really comes down to your authentic self tapping into what is honest about what feels good for you. And that's the standard that we need to keep. Right. It's no one else's.
[00:34:04] Speaker A: Well, the more we talk about it, the more it's going to bring that to the forefront of people's hearts and minds and say, well, maybe I should be more visible, or maybe I don't need that process, or maybe I do need that procedure. I just think being aware and honest is what we want.
[00:34:21] Speaker D: Yeah. I was doing some research a few weeks ago, and plastic surgery is actually at an all time high, I think, for a lot of reasons. But within men, it is a growing subset. And I was surprised. And some of the most common things that men are doing, well, number one is, I think, liposuction. And the other piece was calf implants. That was interesting. And then I don't know what the procedure is called, like a breast reduction. And I actually, I dated somebody who had that procedure done because he was really embarrassed to be without a shirt and very fit, but had, um. I'm not what? Flesh, if you will, in that area that he thought was feminine. So I was surprised that this is. This is not a female thing. Only, like, men are barraged with what they should look like as well.
[00:35:21] Speaker A: That's true. I mean, you see a lot of the celebrities, men who are my age and are a little younger, that dye their hair so clearly and have botox. Hey, listen, if it makes you feel good and you're doing it for the right reason, like that sounds like that gentleman was doing it for the right reason. He was uncomfortable with himself. He wanted to feel better. Great, do it. I'm not a big fan of the butt lift. I'm just saying.
[00:35:49] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah. Well, they called this thing, we've all heard of the mommy makeover, but now it's called the daddy makeover because of the dad bod.
[00:35:59] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Okay.
[00:36:03] Speaker D: Yeah. Who knew? That's definitely first world problems right there, talking about those kinds of things. But coming back to the main point here is beauty at any age is attainable. And the way that we tap into that is not as cheesy as it sounds. The external pieces that, you know, we might think of, it's the internal piece. When you feel beautiful inside, you look beautiful on the outside.
[00:36:37] Speaker A: That is 100% right. You can change the way you look by putting a smile on your face. It's as simple as that. And I really want women to embrace their beauty because as I said earlier, everyone is beauty. It is a mindset game. Exactly. And if a little makeup and a cute outfit helps, that's great. Just something so that you feel internally beautiful because you are going to shine that to the world when you step into a room.
Confidence is sexy. Confidence is beautiful. So regardless of if you have mousy brown hair, silver hair, white hair, if you walk in with a smile and presenting yourself in the best possible way, that is all you. You're beautiful. It's a mindset game.
[00:37:32] Speaker D: I love that. I do love that. It feels more attainable. Yeah, it really does. If you put that as your benchmark, how do I feel inside? Then I'm going to. It just exudes to the outside. It's such an easier way to show up to that pool party is feel good, get a good night's rest, eat well, and do your journaling or gratitude practices or exercise, whatever it is. I think you're going to have more confidence at any age if you do the work on the inside, too.
[00:38:06] Speaker A: Absolutely. Absolutely agree. Karen. So smart.
[00:38:11] Speaker D: I'm sort of talking to myself right now.
You know what? You know when you need to play your own thoughts back to yourself, that's going to be one of the ones that I need to replay. I know. I know that. So that's okay.
[00:38:25] Speaker A: I mean, we all do. I do, too. But I feel really good about myself now because talking about it makes me realize how fortunate I am. My parents both died by the time they were my age. I'm 67. My dad died when he was 66. My mother died when she was 59. So let's embrace the age we are because we're never going to be this age again in this lifetime. So let's be happy in our bodies and in our age.
[00:38:53] Speaker D: Yeah. Just getting to middle age is a milestone and a blessing in and of itself. Yeah. Yeah, most definitely. Are there any other thoughts or gems that you have to share with our audience about feeling confident at any age, particularly with, you know, their external appearance? But we talked about how that's totally correlated. But are there any other thoughts that you have for our viewers? I feel like there's something else left here that you didn't mention.
[00:39:24] Speaker A: Well, I do have a lot of things because I just worked on this program for six months, putting out a program to help women with their self esteem. And I would say one of the things that we do not do for ourselves enough is to say, job well done. It's sort of like your guest who looked at, this was a good day, but in a different way. I like to frame it in the way. Put on a complimentary cloak. Put on a cloak of compliments. They could be cloaks of compliments that someone else gave you. But I prefer if you say to yourself, wow, I am beautiful or beauty. That's kind of. I don't want it to just be about beauty. But I am an excellent writer. I am a great chef. So often we do not pay ourselves a compliment, and hopefully we're very quick on the draw to pay someone else a compliment.
[00:40:20] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:40:21] Speaker A: But every day, I encourage people to take a piece of paper and write down something that you like about yourself or that you are accomplished at doing or that you did. We have to give ourselves credit for who we are, and the more we write and focus on that, the more we will intrinsically believe it.
[00:40:41] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah, I. You know what, Kim? I 100% agree. You know, full stop. Exactly what you said is so accurate. And one of the easiest ways that we can support people that we love and in our, you know, circle, if you will, is to give them sincere compliments. It is free to tell you, Kim, that I think you look beautiful. I do. And that really, when you get compliments, it really does land in a place that builds you up. So I think we can all do that for each other a little bit better. And sincerely, Karen.
[00:41:22] Speaker A: But one thing that's so important that I just did a little motivational minute about that I do these things on social media, is, how well do you receive so many people when they say, oh, you look great in that dress? Oh, this? I got it at Target, something I've done, you know, instead of saying to you, like, thank you, Karen, for that lovely compliment I received that you don't have to say, I receive that, but think that that's the next step in paying a compliment to someone. If someone pays you a compliment, receive it graciously and gratefully?
[00:41:55] Speaker D: Yeah, you're right. I have tried to work on that myself, and I've gotten pretty good at the simple retort, that was a great compliment. Thank you so much.
But it does. There's that automatic kind of self depreciation that you want to say, oh, no, it's really not that big of a deal. And, you know, those kinds of things. Receiving it is just as important as giving the compliment. The whole process needs to happen for it to really land. Kim, there are so many different ways for our listeners to get to know you better. One, I hope you come back. I know that you have a podcast. You have a lot of social media handles. I even know you're speaking at a conference this fall. So can you tell our listeners how to engage with you if they want to reach out?
[00:42:45] Speaker A: Oh, yes. I would love it. I love connecting with other people looking to ignite their spark. Really? Everything is on my website, kimduffselby.com, and my podcast is ignite your spark, which, thank you so much for asking about everything. And my handles are always Kim duff Selby because I keep it easy and keep it simple. And I do like to be silly on TikTok because TikTok is just being authentic. For me, at least, Instagram's a little more curated. I feel like I have to be a little more careful. Facebook, same as Instagram, but I love TikTok. I just got on it about a couple of years ago, but it's because it's just like, if I feel like saying something, I say it. I know. I don't know. I just have a blast with it. So. Kim Duff Selby. I have a program now that launched called how to ignite your spark for women in midlife and beyond online. Course, that's like, my baby. But I also, you know, my. One of my biggest messages, Karen, is you are never too old to die.
And I think women, you know, yes, my age, a lot of them don't do anything. But even when people, I've heard people in their forties think that they're tooled, I'm like, are you kidding me? Oh, my goodness. No. So, in full disclosure tonight, I'm going to a prep class to possibly try out to be a golden state warrior on the dance team of the hardwood classics, which are the 55 and older I dance team.
[00:44:10] Speaker D: That's so cool. That's so cool.
[00:44:13] Speaker A: But I say these things not to just pat myself on the back, although why not? But to encourage other people. If you have a passion, just go for it.
[00:44:22] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah. 100%. You know, the tagline for this podcast is, it's not too late, you're not too old, and you're definitely not dead, because we hear the same thing. You know, my prime has passed, and absolutely not. I say the best is yet to come. The more wisdom you have to act on things you want today will make you more successful, and I truly, sincerely believe that. And I know you do, too.
[00:44:54] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. I wouldn't be doing this podcast. I wouldn't be doing programs. I wouldn't be doing anything if I didn't believe it.
[00:44:59] Speaker D: Yeah. Well, at the end of every podcast episode, we always play a game. You know, you're old when. And so I have. I want to see if it lands with you and get your response. Are you ready?
[00:45:13] Speaker A: I'm ready. Hit me with it, Karen.
[00:45:15] Speaker D: Okay.
You know you're old when you had a boombox, my kids didn't know what that was. My kids did not know what a boombox was. When I mentioned that I used to play tapes on it and record the radio and those things. They are kind of around, but no one has them anymore.
[00:45:40] Speaker A: Yeah, that's funny. My kids know what one is because they thought it was cool. That's a good one. That's a really good one. I mean, of course, the standard. I mean, I have the standard is, you know, you're old when you used to have to pick up a telephone and, you know, dial a rotary phone. But my favorite thing about what came to mind is, you know, you're old when your friend comes up to you and goes, oh, you have some dirt on your face, and it's a brown spot.
Yeah. I mean, this is a friend my age who did that, and I wrote a little blog post on it many years ago because it's so good.
[00:46:17] Speaker D: I can't stop.
[00:46:19] Speaker A: You can't stop from. So, you know, the treatment frexle, I called this from freckles to fraxel because I had fraxel and I to get rid of the brown spot, which came back. So, you know, there you go. But, you know, you're old when someone tries to wipe one of your brown spots off. There you go.
[00:46:37] Speaker D: That is really true. I discovered a brown spot on my chest, and I thought, oh, maybe I just need to use some sort of buff on my skin. No, it's just there now.
It lives there. Yes. Yes.
So good. Well, Kim, thank you so much. Your energy, your zest for life, your spark, it's real. And I hope that our listeners can connect with you and jump on your journey of joy and discovery at any age. And we definitely hope to have you back again soon.
[00:47:12] Speaker A: Thank you, Karen. It was totally my privilege. I am so grateful that you gave me this opportunity and platform to share because you really are never too old. And, Karen, you're a beautiful interviewer. Thank you so much.
[00:47:26] Speaker D: Oh, thank you, Kim. Have a great afternoon, and we'll hopefully maybe even see you on the dance floor.
[00:47:33] Speaker A: Oh, you might.
Thanks, Karen.
[00:47:37] Speaker D: Yeah. All right. Thanks, Kim.
And that brings us to the end of another episode. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. Okay. So if you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. If you're loving what you hear, I would be incredibly grateful if you took just a moment to rate and review this show on your favorite podcast platform. It helps others discover us, and it's a great place to share your thoughts, suggestions and ideas for future episodes. For even more exclusive content and detailed show notes, check out our website at 3564 dot and that's spelled out 3564.com. As always, a huge, huge thank you for spending time with me today during this episode. I appreciate that you tuned in. I'm going to leave you the same way I do every episode. Remember, it's not too late, you're not too old, and you're definitely not dead. Okay? Until next time, friends.
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