Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: I read so much. I was reading this advice. It says what to do when someone says something that's highly offensive. And I was like, oh, what is it? Said the one thing you need to know. So, of course I click baited. I went in, and you know what it said? I actually kind of liked the advice. It said, ask them, are you okay? And I thought that was, like, the best response. You know, if someone said something that was highly offensive to you personally or just off the wall, that's so unusual and terrible. Are you okay?
[00:00:32] Speaker B: It is a thing now for you. I've seen this where young people will literally ask, are you okay? And it's just like the most random left field thing. Cause it's just so perfect in the moment. Like, is that really, like, are you okay? But you wanna get offended, but you're just not. So it's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. I know, I love it.
[00:00:50] Speaker A: It is.
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[00:00:54] Speaker B: No, not anymore.
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[00:01:11] Speaker B: Wait, you pay nothing on repairs, ox gets it fixed. Free oil changes, free tire rotation, and free roadside assistance?
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[00:01:29] Speaker B: The last thing I need is an unexpected car repair bill. I'm calling Ox car care now.
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[00:01:59] Speaker A: Welcome to 35 64, a podcast for the middle. I am so excited to welcome Chris Dancy to the show today. Chris has been featured on the tv show Darknet on Showtime. He's been on the COVID of Business Week, interviewed by Wall Street Journal, NPR, the BBC, Fox News and Wired. He's delivered a TED talk with tens of thousands of views. He's also the authorization of the book, don't unplug. And for those of you who watch on YouTube, you'll see his book is typically right behind me. I did have a fire at my house, so I'm in a different studio location today. But you'll normally see that book right over my left shoulder. He is known as the most connected man on earth. And he took dozens, I would say dozens and dozens of types of sensors and technology, applied those to his body in his everyday life, and was able to optimize his health in unreal ways. His book unpacks his whole journey through that and what that looked like for him. So I'll drop a link in the show notes directly to the book on Amazon so you can take a peek yourself. Before I welcome Chris, I just have to tell you, he is one of my favorite humans. I am lucky enough to have known him before he catapulted into the public eye and becoming quite a public Persona. And he is here today to be himself, to unpack so many different insights about aging, love, dating, what it's like to prepare for death, what are memes, all sorts of funny things. So you're in for a big treat today. I'm so glad you're here. Welcome to the show, Chris, it is so good to have you.
[00:04:02] Speaker B: I am equally as excited and slightly nervous. I've watched a lot of videos like the one we're going to do today and I never thought I'd be in one, so this is good.
[00:04:13] Speaker A: Well, you are the first famous person to come on our show.
[00:04:17] Speaker B: That's not true. I've listened to every episode. I listen to you in the shower. I comment on your stuff. I think I was one of the first subscribers on Spotify. You've had lots of famous people on the show.
[00:04:28] Speaker A: Well, I don't know. You're so special. I gave a bio of you in the introduction here. But it's so fun for me to have such a dear friend to just chat and meet our audience and go through a bunch of funny things. We were just talking before we started recording and we have known each other 22 years.
[00:04:50] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, yeah, 20. Yeah. Almost 23.
[00:04:53] Speaker A: It's amazing.
[00:04:55] Speaker B: You were some of my first video chats.
[00:04:57] Speaker A: That's so cool. I remember video chatting with you. I remember using BlackBerry messenger with you.
[00:05:04] Speaker B: And MSN Messenger, Yahoo. And then you got me into my first social media, which was MySpace. You got me into MySpace.
[00:05:16] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I did. I remember I asked you to help code my MySpace page and I had you code these hearts that dropped over. Yeah, MySpace.
[00:05:26] Speaker B: Yeah, you showed me how people put music on their MySpace. And then I think we both got into Facebook when it first came out and, girl, we've done it all.
[00:05:36] Speaker A: I know. No, seriously, I was trying to think of how many cities that we've been to together and how many countries it's a lot. It's extensive.
[00:05:46] Speaker B: Yeah. It'd be easier to count the continents we haven't been on.
[00:05:50] Speaker A: Yeah, I think so. What trip comes to mind when you think of all the places we've traveled together?
[00:05:56] Speaker B: Well, there's only one. Well, now I'm thinking all of them. But the first one that came to mind, for some reason was Monterey.
[00:06:04] Speaker A: Okay, well, that was our first. That was the OG Christmas.
[00:06:07] Speaker B: Oh, was that the first. That was the very first trip.
[00:06:09] Speaker A: It was, yeah.
[00:06:10] Speaker B: That was weird, because I remember we were. I was using a company credit card, and we rented a convertible.
[00:06:16] Speaker A: We did.
[00:06:17] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
We just drove around like 20 year olds. Cause we were. But, oh, no, I wasn't. I don't know how we were. Yeah, that was good. But then, of course, as soon as I thought about it, of course, Washington, DC. We went to a conference, got debaucherous. Or at least I was debaucherous. And the next day, I was so hungover that we were dragging the booth out of the convention center. So we were never debauched in front of people. We should say that for the record.
[00:06:43] Speaker A: We were prepared for sure, 100%.
[00:06:46] Speaker B: But the day after, we're dragging the booth and we're wondering why it's so much work. And then I realized it's got wheels, and I've drugged it, like, a half a mile without the wheels down with, like, 300 pounds. And I'm chain smoking at this point in my life, so I am 100 pounds heavier. I'm dragging this thing hungover, sweating. And you just started laughing when you realized there were wheels and just kept laughing and, oh, my gosh, it was a thing.
[00:07:14] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. I was thinking, you know, the first trip that actually came to mind for me was one of our trips in Florida. I think we were in Orlando, and we busted into the lazy river when it was closed at night.
[00:07:30] Speaker B: Is that when I always got to run out of the hotel?
[00:07:32] Speaker A: Well, yes, but do you remember when the security came to, when you pretend.
[00:07:37] Speaker B: To be my wife?
[00:07:38] Speaker A: I said, I'm so sorry. We're celebrating. We just got married, and I'm gay.
[00:07:42] Speaker B: I'm gayer than a gay pride parade. And you're telling them we just got married.
[00:07:47] Speaker A: Amazing.
[00:07:49] Speaker B: It was pretty amazing.
[00:07:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:51] Speaker B: I forgot about the lazy river. Why would I break into a lazy river in the middle of the night?
[00:07:56] Speaker A: We had some good times. And I also thought of our trip to London, where we went on the double decker bus and we did all the traditional tourist things. What a lovely, lovely trip that was.
[00:08:07] Speaker B: And then another trip to England, where we stayed in some manner. We were all sequestered into this castle. Oh, my God.
[00:08:15] Speaker A: Yes. Gosh. There are dozens and dozens of good memories. I really cherish those. I truly do. Some really good times.
[00:08:24] Speaker B: Weird. I knew you before you were a mom.
[00:08:26] Speaker A: I know. I know you before you were 35.
You did? You knew me before I was in middle age.
[00:08:34] Speaker B: I literally knew you was a young. How old are you now?
[00:08:36] Speaker A: Do you ever say you're 45? I'm 45. How old are you?
[00:08:40] Speaker B: 56.
[00:08:41] Speaker A: 56, okay.
[00:08:43] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm almost aging out of your show. No, I was thinking about.
You're 45, so you're dead in the middle of your show.
[00:08:52] Speaker A: I am.
[00:08:53] Speaker B: Wow. So, yeah, so I met you at 2245-2223 years old. You were. Wow.
[00:08:58] Speaker A: Yep. Yeah, I was young. I was just out of college, and that was my first career, actually. Chris, this leads me to a really great article that I want to share with you. And one of the things I want to do in this podcast is throw some news articles at you and see if they land, if you think they're true and what your reaction is. So, are you ready?
[00:09:24] Speaker B: The audience knows this is completely blind. I said to you, let's do a react video to stories and things we find on the Internet. And the ones I picked for you are a cross section. Some of them are about marketing, some of them are about events. Some of them are just weird. But I just kind of wanted your reaction.
[00:09:40] Speaker A: Okay. All right. Well, I'm going to throw my story first at you. Here is the headline.
[00:09:46] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:09:46] Speaker A: Scientists find humans age dramatically in two bursts, age 44 and 60.
What do you think?
Let me continue here. First, blurb. If you've noticed a sudden accumulation of wrinkles, aches and pains, or a general sensation of having grown older almost overnight, there may be a scientific explanation. New research suggests that rather than being a slow and steady process, aging occurs in at least two accelerated bursts.
[00:10:23] Speaker B: I remember returning 40 and thinking, that was 16 years ago. I remember turning 40 and thinking, this ain't so bad. I'm returning 45 and thinking, this sucks. So that's probably, like right up your alley, because it would be between 44, right? And the other thing is, like 60. I can see that. Because on the other side of my fifties now, the one thing I notice is I've been forced to no longer practice being old, but be old. So for the beginning of my fifties, I practiced being old. I would go to bed earlier. You know this about me. I go to bed earlier. I don't go out. I don't drink. I don't. None of it. And, yes, and I always tell, I always tell people, I think you should practice being older than you are so that when you become old, it's not a shock.
[00:11:06] Speaker A: Wow. That is really almost the exact advice that I would think people would give is act as young as possible so you seize the moment, enjoy life, and don't limit or restrict yourself. So that's, that's an interesting perspective.
[00:11:20] Speaker B: I think I'm naturally young and goofy anyway. I mean, I was just, my spouse is younger than I. We were just at something, and the guy thought I was my spouse. My spouse is thirties, so I think I'm naturally kind of youthful. But doesn't matter how, mind you, how young my mind is. I mean, at 56, I have a young mind. My body is older. It doesn't matter what I do. It's just a reality. Right. So I've always practiced being older. I don't know, it just seems, it works for me. I'll just say that for me, it works. So why I say it works is as I'm now on the other side of that and I have to go to bed earlier, I have to. Ways I can't eat like I used to. I can't, I can't get angry. All right, now I do, but I can't get angry because it's physically taxing.
[00:12:03] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:12:05] Speaker B: So, yeah. So I can understand because I don't think, I think by 60. So it's only four years away.
[00:12:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:11] Speaker B: I'll be okay with being as old as I am.
[00:12:14] Speaker A: Yeah, I like that. You know? Well, I just made it through 44. I just turned 45 about a month and a half ago. And I do totally get it that you said when I turned 40, I was like, what do you mean? Like, nothing's changed. This is life. It's the same as it is. And I did feel that way. And I will say there's a couple things that I think drastically changed in the last, I'm going to say, like, year to two, and one of them is my hair, which is funny, but, like, the texture. And I have to be very good to my hair in order for it to look healthy. And before I used to be able to, like, heat, style it like crazy and do weird stuff and diet, and now I have to baby it so it looks good. It's just not as resilient as it was. And I get tired easy.
[00:13:08] Speaker B: I mean, I get it. I'm, you know, I even traveling and, you know, I'm not a good traveler. I've done some trips with you in the past few years around industry events, and I fly in to events in Europe a week early. If it's just continental, I fly in the weeks two days early. And what do you do with those feasts? You go, no, I literally just do nothing. I just relax in my room quietly. I think when I saw you in Atlanta, I think I just was in my room most of the time, so I totally get it. And again, I don't think, you know, there are some people like, you know, you're old and you're young and you're, you know, you're vibrant and you're healthy and you should go out and get life. I have always considered life to be like a battery. Everybody has the same battery and how much of it you spend day to day changes. So if you want that battery to go a little bit longer, you got to save some time, right? So, like, if I put myself, you know, if I take care of myself today, I have a little bit more battery tomorrow. So, you know, I find my best years are my aging years, and I want as many of them as healthy and as battery full as possible. Could I do a lot more than I do now? Yeah. Hell yes. I could probably still travel across the globe and go out and have a good time like I used to and stuff with you. But I'd love my life too much to spend it on such silly things so quickly.
[00:14:25] Speaker A: Yeah, what a thought.
I agree. I think as I've approached middle age, 40 and plus, this has been my best decade yet. And so I love that. And it's one of the core messages of this podcast is that getting older isn't bad. All the studies, which will drop tons of them in the show notes show that forties, fifties, even sixties, they have the highest happiness rates of all the decades. This is it.
[00:14:57] Speaker B: I remember in my forties when I was your age, reading about your fifties, your people's most settled, and I thought, that's great, and I totally get it now. And it's not settled as much as I feel. It's just like, I'm okay. I don't need to, like, even try to figure out what someone else is doing. Like, I just smile, you know, your old people just smile. You're like, that's nice. Yeah, I get it now. It's like, it's not worth the effort, but, like, the whole thing, too. I just want to go back to, like, like, why I don't push myself more. Like, I have this also. This really strange thing about steps, like, actual physical steps. I think God only gives you so many steps and, like, take the escalator as often as possible. I just think there's only so much you can do. There's only so many slices of bread. There's only so many physical steps. There's only so many dogs you can pet. So the steps you take, the dogs you pet, or the bread you eat should be the best steps. The best, you know, the best steps to the best location, the nicest dogs. I don't know. I look at everything is. It's like it's one off the task list. I only get so many showers, so this shower better be a good one, or I'm gonna save today's shower and do it tomorrow. So. I don't know. It's weird. Does that make sense, why I'm describing it? Like, you only get so much you can do.
[00:16:03] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. It's almost just being grateful for every opportunity that comes your way and making the most of it. You know? This dog is different than any other dog that I'm gonna.
[00:16:14] Speaker B: And I just don't pet any dog. I make sure it's the dog.
[00:16:17] Speaker A: How do you know it's the dog?
[00:16:19] Speaker B: I don't know. I think maybe you've been with me a time. I love dogs. I love strange dogs. I lay on the ground with dogs all the time, but usually I don't get on the ground unless I know for sure. I'm like, I don't know. You just know. Dog right behind me right now. I've got two of them. I don't know. You just know dogs are good people. Are you ready for yours?
[00:16:34] Speaker A: I'm ready. Go, go.
[00:16:36] Speaker B: Mine are video, so not video, but, like, I'm gonna share stories with you and things I found on the Internet. I want you to react.
[00:16:44] Speaker A: Okay. All right. Some of them are new, some of.
[00:16:46] Speaker B: Them are old, but I just want you to tell me, what's the first thing you think when I share this story with you? Not necessarily about aging, just like you're professionals. I'm gonna hear you. Ready?
[00:16:55] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:16:56] Speaker B: Karen, I want you to react to the willy Wonk inspired experience scam that was so bad, people called the cops a few months ago.
[00:17:04] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
[00:17:05] Speaker B: Do you remember this?
[00:17:07] Speaker A: No, but what the heck? People complain about everything.
[00:17:12] Speaker B: So this was in England. A guy used AI to market this event as if kids were gonna go to this magical land. And when they got there, it was just some props he had, like, gotten from a store. And the parents got this was the line to get into the. This is Wonka. This is the Wonka. They picnic benches, and people got so incensed. And this was the Willy Wonka. He paid some high school students to dress up. But the AI advertisements for the Wonka experience made people just go crazy because.
[00:17:44] Speaker A: They'Re like, oh, my God, that.
[00:17:46] Speaker B: And then, of course, they got there and it wasn't what they thought it was going to be, and they called the police, and it went viral around the globe. Karen stones react as a professional, as a mom, to someone using AI to scam and trick your family into an event that is nothing but Charlotte.
[00:18:03] Speaker A: Okay. So the first thing that I thought was, oh, my gosh, people call the cops for the stupidest things. Like, that is not something you call the cops about. Maybe you write a bad review to help other people avoid it. But calling the cops, that is crazy. The second thing that came to mind is it sounds like what a Karen would do. And I know Karen as a. I.
[00:18:27] Speaker B: Have never used that slur with you.
[00:18:29] Speaker A: I know, and I'm allowed to since I won. That sounds like the traditional whiny Karen that coined that name. So that. That kind of gave me those vibes. And then my next reaction was, wow, he's so brilliant. He really utilized AI in a way that did something. Kudos to him for figuring out how to use the technology in a way, in real life, that drove business.
[00:18:59] Speaker B: And then people lined around the block.
[00:19:02] Speaker A: Yeah, it makes me giggle. And then the last thing I think of is actually how funny it is. And I could see how you could be really disappointed. I don't know how much people paid for that crap stuff.
[00:19:15] Speaker B: I think it was like 75 pounds. So it was expensive.
[00:19:19] Speaker A: That is pricey. I don't know. I probably would have been very disappointed, but, yeah.
[00:19:26] Speaker B: And kids were crying. They're like, they expected. They walk into this warehouse thinking it's going to look like the website, which was all AI generated, and it was just some props from Home Depot and some teenagers dressed up.
[00:19:36] Speaker A: I mean, it's so funny. We'll drop the news article in the show notes for those of you who aren't watching on YouTube. But it is.
I don't know. I actually think it's funnier than I get an incensed or upset. So, yeah, those are my reactions for you.
[00:19:53] Speaker B: All right.
[00:19:54] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:19:55] Speaker B: All right. I have another one. You want me to go? You want me to let me show my dad?
[00:19:58] Speaker A: Go for it. Go for it.
[00:20:00] Speaker B: So my next one is another story from this year's headlines that I just, I just want your gut reaction. This story was something that I don't want to say much more, but recently the CEO of Kellogg's said, if you're struggling in this economy, you should consider eating cereal for dinner. And immediately had massive backlash over it because families don't want to eat cereal for dinner. Thoughts?
[00:20:29] Speaker A: Thoughts are cereal for dinner is rad.
And I say that. Yeah.
[00:20:35] Speaker B: Where he was going with this, you don't think he was tone deaf?
[00:20:38] Speaker A: Okay. No, because one, I think for a busy family, it's very few dishes. There are healthy options for cereal. I don't necessarily think having fruit loops for dinner is a nutritious thing to provide your family. But, you know, there are some like shredded wheat and some other things that are not as processed and can be an option. And, you know, it is crazy expensive at the grocery store. I, that makes me feel old, going to the grocery store and seeing, oh, my gosh, eggs used to be, you know, $2.99 for the organic ones that I like, the brown ones, and now I'm paying $9.99. It's crazy.
So my reaction to that is funny and it's practical. And I in the last week have offered, well, you know what? We can do spaghetti, we can do chicken, or we, there's cereal. And like, I have gotten the, let's do cereal. So I not gonna dig it. I think it's meaning dig it. Make fun of it. I think it's legit.
[00:21:44] Speaker B: Well, I have a, I mean, I, I understood the backlash because I think so many people are sensitive to how expensive to your point things are. Now, I just think, you know, the guy's making, you know, $15 million a year and his solution isn't, okay, we'll drop Kellogg's cereal by a dollar a box, but instead, maybe you should eat cereal for dinner so I could see. Maybe I like your take on it. You immediately went to the positive side, hey, it's a good thing. It's healthy, it's fun, stuff like that. But, man, it was. I feel like it was. I don't know. You know, there's so much about CEO pays and corporate greed, and I'm just like, maybe again, tone deaf.
[00:22:24] Speaker A: That's so interesting. I didn't even think. And I do always lean towards, you know, the glasses almost overflowing sometimes.
[00:22:32] Speaker B: You're really good at that.
[00:22:33] Speaker A: So I didn't even think of that. I just thought of the practicality. And like all of you moms out there, dads, the ones that are serving up food for children, I know you've done this. Cereal is an option for dinner. Let me know if you do that. And what cereal you offer up because maybe Cheerios or something, but obviously none of the lucky charms and captain crunches of the world would be a good idea.
[00:22:59] Speaker B: All right. This is kind of fun. I'm kind of liking this react. Yeah, it's a whole thing. I have another one, but I'll let you go.
[00:23:06] Speaker A: Yeah, I have the best article I came across, and I know our listeners are going to love this. This is the top ways that people on x, so used to be twitter, are calling old people things. Okay, so I'm going to list some of these. Cause they're hilarious. So these are things that young people think old people do. Make loud noises when you get up or sit down.
[00:23:34] Speaker B: It's true.
[00:23:36] Speaker A: Watching local news.
[00:23:39] Speaker B: We don't have it. We might. I don't watch tv, but yeah, it's true.
[00:23:43] Speaker A: Print your boarding pass.
[00:23:44] Speaker B: I don't do that, but maybe that. Maybe older people do that.
[00:23:47] Speaker A: I know. Like my dad does, so.
[00:23:50] Speaker B: Really? Your dad still prints his boarding pass.
[00:23:52] Speaker A: I know. Yes. Even my boyfriend does. I'm dead serious.
[00:23:58] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh.
[00:23:59] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. Standing outside of stores waiting for them.
[00:24:03] Speaker B: To open, I'm guilty of that. Especially Michaels. I love Michael's and home goods.
[00:24:11] Speaker A: Okay, this is a good one. Using a pill organizer.
[00:24:15] Speaker B: I did that for a long time. Now I. Don't. You want to know what to do now? Pro tip for the. For our audience who's aging and might need supplements, let me show you.
[00:24:24] Speaker A: Yes, show us. I just bought a pill organizer the other day because I keep on forgetting if I took the supplements or nothing.
[00:24:33] Speaker B: So I organizer because I take a lot of supplements every 90 days because I get a 90 day supply of all my drugs. I make two piles with blue bags and yellow bags. These are the blue bags.
[00:24:46] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:24:47] Speaker B: All my supplements. And I put them into individual bags. Each day I get up, I have just one bag with all my different supplements, and I have 90 days worth if I need to travel or, I don't know, I just take ten or whatever out of. And go out of town.
[00:25:01] Speaker A: Do you feel like you ever miss a day?
[00:25:03] Speaker B: No, I've never missed. You mean taking them or just. Yeah, I've never missed a day of supplements in my life. I've taken supplements. I was a teenager.
[00:25:11] Speaker A: That's pretty good. That's pretty good.
[00:25:13] Speaker B: I'm kind of a supplement. Yeah, I was one of those, you know, hypochondriac over supplemented people.
No, I am usually you don't really do supplements unless you're a hypochondriac.
[00:25:23] Speaker A: Really? I do a lot of supplements and I. That's interesting. Ok.
[00:25:28] Speaker B: The nicer word, I think they call it the health anxiety. And the even nicer one is the worried well.
[00:25:34] Speaker A: Oh, that's so cute. I like that.
[00:25:36] Speaker B: One of my favorite terms, derogatory terms.
[00:25:38] Speaker A: It's very cute. Okay, how about this one? Leaving plastic on things to keep them new.
[00:25:43] Speaker B: I mean, it sounds like the sofa. I've never done that. But I do leave stuff in their containers for as long as possible.
[00:25:49] Speaker A: Okay. Standing indoors and looking outside at nothing.
[00:25:53] Speaker B: And that's the way to tell someone's old.
[00:25:55] Speaker A: I don't know. I don't know. That's what this is what young people are claiming old people do, and they don't understand.
[00:26:01] Speaker B: Well, it makes me feel like that might be really old. I don't know. I've never seen anyone do that.
[00:26:06] Speaker A: Okay, here's a good one. Arriving super early at the airport.
[00:26:09] Speaker B: Well, I mean, come on. I mean, there are two types of people in the world. Those who are early and those who aren't. I mean, I'm. I'm habitually early. I'm so early. I literally have a plan for what to do with the hours I have beforehand. I only live in a small airport, so I have a conference room that no one knows about that's in the business center. I will book it out before my flight and I'll just go in there. There's no one in there. I'm alone. I wait till like boarding time and I just walk out. Walk right on the plane.
[00:26:33] Speaker A: That's pretty good. But were you always like that? I remember us running to airports.
[00:26:38] Speaker B: Well, we were hungover. So you're getting up with 3 hours of sleep to make a plane? Yeah. I mean, it was. Yeah. But no, as I've aged, I've gotten much earlier. I'm pretty sure I'm driving to my funeral now. Just super slow.
That's how early I am. I will be.
[00:26:58] Speaker A: That's good. Okay, how's this one? Writing and cursive.
[00:27:01] Speaker B: I will still do that. Except as I've gotten older, I can only make it like a few lines before my handwriting starts to, like, by the second or third line, I'm trying to find any of my handwriting. I can't. It's really, really bad. I knew I was getting older when I started making labels for folders.
[00:27:16] Speaker A: Oh, that's good. Look at that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
[00:27:22] Speaker B: I don't want to get a PDF. I actually fill it out on the computer.
[00:27:26] Speaker A: No, I think that's good. I do too. How about this? Watching the weather channel. Watching the weather channel.
[00:27:31] Speaker B: I literally keep weather on my computer full time. So that's probably my equivalent of watching the weather channel because I literally have an entire screen on my computer, which is nothing but weather. Actually, I've got two different weather apps. That's how bad I am.
[00:27:47] Speaker A: Do you watch the Doppler radar?
[00:27:49] Speaker B: Oh, my God. I literally have it up right now. I'm literally looking. I'm gonna see if I can share the screen with you here. Yeah, here's my whole weather screen. I literally have an entire weather screen full time.
[00:27:59] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. You really do.
[00:28:01] Speaker B: And then there's.
[00:28:01] Speaker A: Okay, so this is.
[00:28:02] Speaker B: The radar is, like, right there.
[00:28:04] Speaker A: This is a yes. Then I think that the young folks are right. Okay, last one, extremely early dinners.
[00:28:11] Speaker B: It's 04:00 here. I've already eaten.
[00:28:14] Speaker A: No, serious.
[00:28:15] Speaker B: I have already eaten dinner. I've already. It's not a thing. It's a real thing.
[00:28:20] Speaker A: Wow, that is super early.
[00:28:22] Speaker B: It's a real thing. Now I will have a little bite. Bite seven. Something small, like, I don't know, a biscuit or a little left spoof spoon from dinner. But we eat between four and five. I can call my spouse right now.
[00:28:35] Speaker A: I tell you every day, wow, that's. I mean, it's good for you, they say.
[00:28:39] Speaker B: I don't. I just. If I tried, it's just like, I can't drink in my book. Don't unplug. One of the things. One of the first things I measured at 40 years old was how late I could have something to drink without having to pee in the middle of the night.
[00:28:53] Speaker A: Okay, now, that. That is legit right there. That's legit.
[00:28:56] Speaker B: So same thing with food. My heart rate is three to four beats higher. If I eat after 06:00 p.m. i don't sleep as well, and my REM sleep is at least 50% less if I eat after 06:00 p.m. but eating earlier and just something small before I go to bed. I have longer rem sleep, longer deeps. Everything's better.
[00:29:14] Speaker A: That's so fascinating. I did mention in the intro about your history with tech and health and how that's transformed your life. These are some real examples. Yeah.
[00:29:24] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Plus, it's. I mean, I could go on and on about it. I mean, people often like, why do you do this? Why do that? I'm like, well, I can actually show you. It's quantifiably bad for me to have a relationship with you. I literally print out reports now and send them to people to let them know, like how they're affecting me, like day to day. I don't know if I can share this, but I have a little system. Let me see if we can share my screen here. Okay, so what we're seeing here is my little day to day system. So it keeps my sleep hours. I rate my morning. I give my emotions for three times a day, the places I go, so the places I go are tied to these emotions and then the people I interact with. So I hear some email to my CPA and you'll see my feelings for that and how my emotion tied to that AI looks at it tells me how to talk back to her in case I don't want to say something bad. So my AI looks at a history of our relationships, looks at how I'm feeling. So I was feeling successful, then had a great feeling there, and gives me something to respond back to her at. All the tasks I got done for that day, any health events we've got going on, and then pictures from my day. And at the end of the day, my AI will then summarize my day and tell me how I did and what I should focus on. Wow, that's like you started feeling curious by about the end of summer. You said a positive phone. You had a quiet morning with a good amount of sleep and you felt rested. Your productive and focused emails without worrying about the future. The afternoon was busy. You completed the RFP for Chautauqua. You decorated the hospital despite feeling rushed. You managed to be positive and proud with your achievements. The evenings relaxing, you felt super grateful for your neighbors and this spent with Fernando, my spouse and your husband. Your tone today was good. Areas of focus home embrace your home environment brings you a lot of joy financially reconsider. Pay more attention to financial, especially with the upcoming taxing line. I'm sure to follow up with your CPA health embrace. You had a good amount of sleep and felt rested. But consider your calorie intake and your physical activity. So I was a little below where I needed to be and it gave me some action points for the day. So then when you go into the next day, which would have been today, I have a coach then that looks at yesterday and then looks at how I'm feeling in the morning, then gives me things to focus on for today as I go through my day and it sends me little reminders all day long. Don't forget this. It gives me a little mantra to think about, but, yeah, so I have all this data that gets saved in real time about my life, and then with all the AI, now it crunches it in real time. So it's like having myself talk back to me about what's important constantly.
[00:31:43] Speaker A: Do you pay for a private service, a private large language model that is not capture, that you're not giving your data to anyone else? Do you pay for something?
[00:31:54] Speaker B: That's a very good question. So, the software I built this system on is private. So I have my, it was trained on my own information. It's using the base model of theirs, but it is none of my information gets. Goes into the training.
[00:32:06] Speaker A: Yes. Okay. Yeah, I learned that from a past podcast that there's a bunch of private options and how those are the. No, they're not AI as good as.
[00:32:18] Speaker B: What you give it. And I have a lot of data, as you know, so. And I have a lot more every single day. So all my transactions, all the places I go, all the people I interact with, my voice is measured in real time. Talking fast, slow, the volume, the lights, the humidity, that sound. I mean, what's crazy is I've been doing this for almost 20 years, measuring a lot of stuff right after my view, because I have every single text message we've ever sent to you, each other, even screenshots of them from systems before they were screenshots. But I've always really found there's nothing more important than the breadcrumbs you leave. And if you never need to find your way back to you, make sure you know how to get there. And that's in all the interactions we have.
[00:32:58] Speaker A: Wow. Do you feel like AI has ever led you in the wrong direction?
[00:33:02] Speaker B: Absolutely, but I wanted it to.
[00:33:04] Speaker A: Ooh, interesting. Okay, tell me more.
[00:33:07] Speaker B: Well, you know how it is if you're dating someone or you have someone in your life, and you have a little bit of a rough patch, and you go to one of your friends, what you share with your friend will influence the information they give back to you. So AI is really no different than like, a really good listening friend. So, like, if I need AI to not be subjective, I make sure I only give it the information I really want. So, for example, I have an AI system that I built called Hika, and Heca knows that I struggle with health anxiety. So what HecA will do is I'll share my Hika screen with you. So what Heca does is he calls me on my, on my. I'm like, crap. So if I come in here and I say, you know, hey, Hika, I'm feeling a little scared. I have a pain in my arm. Maybe it's my health anxiety.
Nothing is wrong.
What should I do?
So she's been programmed to really focus on the fact that there's a lot of things I just make up. So she'll say, hey, Chris, I'm here for you. I know it's unsettling to have a new pain or sensation pop up, especially if it's what we're dealing with. Health anxiety. Take a deep breath. Acknowledge your feelings. It's number one to check for other symptoms, consider other muscle strains, pains. Here are some breathing techniques, some body scans, blah, blah, blah. So, I mean, this is how I kind of remember, Chris, you're in a safe space. You're doing all the right things to take care of yourself. If you need support and want to talk it out, I'm here for you. You're not alone in this. So, like, I've even armed my AI to understand that I will probably be more hyperbolic than I need to be in every scenario, whether it's my health or my family or my finances or my business, and I always have trained it to always bring me back to I'm doing amazing, and it's just my nature. So, like, the affirmation above that was repeat to yourself, I am safe. My body is strong. I am in tune with myself. This sensation will pass, and I'm in control of my peace. That's what it said right below that paragraph for those who are listening. So, like, so your question was, do I ever feel like it's led me down the wrong path? Yeah, but that was, like, when I used to needed to be told or kind of. I needed my viewpoint, agreed with. I don't need my viewpoint agreed with AI anymore. I now know that AI is just a reflection of where I want to be. So I need to constantly tell it where I really am.
[00:35:21] Speaker A: That's so interesting. Very thoughtful response. Very thoughtful.
[00:35:25] Speaker B: I'm a mindful cyborg.
[00:35:27] Speaker A: You are the most connected man in the world. You are.
[00:35:32] Speaker B: Okay, so I have a reaction I want from you because I know in your life you've seen this. So it's a meme reaction.
[00:35:40] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:35:41] Speaker B: All right, so I'm gonna share a meme with you that I found online, and it. It slayed me. I was like, I can't with this. This is like, everything. So I'll just share the meme. I'll describe it as you look at it, and then you can give your reaction for the people listening.
[00:35:55] Speaker A: Okay. All right, here we go.
[00:35:57] Speaker B: The meme is a picture of Yoda from Star wars. And next to Yoda, there's some type of obviously filtered Yoda with perfectly smooth skin. And the top of the meme just says, stop doing this to your pictures. So, Karen, react well.
[00:36:16] Speaker A: Okay. So hilarious. So funny. The first thing that I thought of was, you know, the people in your life that do that and post as they're real, like, they don't admit to the filtering and all the changes. And I remember one of my best friends coming up to me, and she's like, I discovered that if you change the shadow, the cellulite doesn't appear on your legs as much. And, like, I mean, I remember when face tune came out, and I even remember, I think the conversation was with you, and you said, did you know that Zoom has this, this, like, setting to.
And you told me that I had your appearance. Yeah, did. Does everyone in the audience know that Zoom, which is the most popular platform to connect on a video call everywhere, can automatically make you look better if you just click on that setting? Very, very fascinating. I I can give you a pro.
[00:37:18] Speaker B: Tip about aging and digital reflections that some people do and some people don't. But an instant way to take four years off your appearance and any video without any filtering is mirror your camera. Every camera, every video will have an option to mirror your image. So, like, if you look behind me, things should be backward and they're not legible. Yes, I mirror all my images, so everything's always backward to you. So you're seeing me as I see myself in the mirror, not the way I really look. Because if your face is not symmetrical, so seeing yourself in reverse actually makes you look younger than you are.
[00:37:53] Speaker A: Huh.
[00:37:54] Speaker B: It's really interesting.
[00:37:56] Speaker A: Yeah.
I know some of the other tricks, like stand and, you know, there's all sorts of.
[00:38:04] Speaker B: Why do like to stand with their one leg kicked out a little bit? Do you know? I'm talking about they almost hand on, what is that thing called? I mean, we have a twelve year old that does that.
[00:38:12] Speaker A: I don't know. But one of my good friends, she was like, I hate teams. It feels like my chin shows up before I do.
And I thought Microsoft Teams is what I'm referring to. And that's also another video chat service. And I thought that was funny. You know, I can't have my selfie on Zoom.
[00:38:33] Speaker B: I have to turn it off or else I'm constantly worried about my hair that's so interesting. And, like, I won't look in mirrors. So it's, like, really weird for me, like, to have to have the selfie off, because when you're, like, right now with us recording, I have to have my selfie, like, right now I'm looking at you, but I'm going to look at me. You ready? So you can watch my eye switch. So now I'm looking at me. I don't want. I can't stand it because it's like a train wreck over there. So I have to go back over here to you. Right. And I wish I could turn that off. I hate it. I don't even look at my. If I get myself in the rearview mirror because I'm looking the car behind me, I freak out. I hate it. I just. It's almost like seeing my reflection pulls me back into some vortex of my body. And I'm so not wanting to have a relationship with my mind or my body. I just want to be the spirit that's with you right now, and that is so devoid of this thing that's falling apart in this mind that's not as sharp.
[00:39:27] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:39:28] Speaker B: That is forever. That is always useful.
[00:39:30] Speaker A: I heard a study the other week that video calls are so distracting that lots of mindful organizations are actually moving to a place where they don't use them because people are more interested in what they look like and looking good than actually participating in the meeting as needed. I thought that was interesting. Total reverse of everyone on camera. We're not starting the meeting.
[00:39:56] Speaker B: I got this just so that I could go to meetings as myself and avatar form without having to physically be on camera.
[00:40:05] Speaker A: What is that?
[00:40:06] Speaker B: It's the Apple vision Pro. So I could have come to this, and you would have seen a digital version. You would have seen this, you would have seen me, but in digital form.
[00:40:16] Speaker A: Wow. I've never seen anything like that.
[00:40:19] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. I now clone all my clients so they don't have to do video.
[00:40:23] Speaker A: I did see an article that I'll post in the show notes that I was fascinated by. It said, I love AI. My anxiety ridden self didn't have to go to the interview, but I sent myself.
They created an AI version of themselves to go to an interview because they were always so anxious. I thought that was fascinating.
[00:40:44] Speaker B: It is crazy. I use a tool called synesthesia. And, like, for example, I have a client that does is in public health, and one of the things we've done for that client is we've taken time to clone the client. So, basically, now the way it works is, I'll show you the clone of the client. This is her. You can see her talking. That's not really her. See her face moving and her eyes blinking? Nope. I cloned her a month ago, and now all of her public reports and all of her public information campaigns are her and her voice. But it's a complete clone.
[00:41:17] Speaker A: Gosh, you know what?
[00:41:20] Speaker B: She will never age. She's permanently 44 now in that, in this. And we've started recording messages that she'll share them with me for her to give to her kid as he gets older.
[00:41:32] Speaker A: So I love that.
[00:41:34] Speaker B: From the mom, from the young mom.
[00:41:36] Speaker A: Wow, that's really. I love it when technology can be used in heartwarming ways like that. It's not for business. It's just to bring connection.
[00:41:45] Speaker B: I somehow get clients who like to blend that.
[00:41:48] Speaker A: I love that.
[00:41:50] Speaker B: I was listening to your last show. I think you had a coach on.
[00:41:53] Speaker A: Uh huh.
[00:41:54] Speaker B: He was talking about. And you asked him, like, how do you screen a coach? And all this other kind of stuff? And one of the things he said was, you'll just know right away, screen three or four of them. I'm like, 100% like all of the people I work with, because I work with big companies and cities and municipalities. And, like, today, I was on a two hour first meeting, and they were like, oh, my God, how much money can we spend with you? And I was just like, okay, so you like me. You really, really like me. But I just think, you know, right away you're gonna hit off. That's the other great thing about getting older, Karen, or being, you know, in your forties, fifties, and sixties is just your tribe is there? You don't need to literally keep dead weight around.
[00:42:27] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Dead weight costs more than you'll ever know. The payment is high. To be around things and invest in things, and whether it's friends, clients, bad job situation, those things drain you so much. It is so key to be mindful of what is happening in your life so you can optimize and live your best life, whatever that looks like. But you have to think about it. You can't just walk through life mindlessly, because it's easy to let those things drain you.
[00:43:01] Speaker B: Well, it's funny because my spouse is, you know, struggles with people who are just really, I don't know, just never mindful to him. And I took my two neighbors out. They're 21 and 20. They bought a house. I'm like, how the world you do this? But they must have come into some money or something, but that's beside the fact. I'm like, how do in this economy? You guys just bought a house. But they were telling me that his. The boys, the young man, he's 20, his father was visiting them, and his father's obviously probably younger than me. And his father said, you guys are throwing your money away. This house, you'll never make any money off this house, even if it takes you 20 years to invest in it. Blah, blah, blah. He goes, I didn't know what to do. I really like my house. And I said, aidan, let me tell you something right now. I don't care if he's your father, if he's the pope, or if he's the police. There's one rule you need to remember now that you own a home, is that if anyone is ever in your home and they make you feel not good about you or your home, it's your home. They can go, right? And he goes, but it's my dad. And I'm like, I understand, but if your dad is there to make you feel bad in your home, how often were you allowed to make your dad feel bad in his home? Never, right? And it's so weird, because no one's ever told me that. I just thought I had to, like, deal with whatever I said. No, you own a house, you go to sleep there, you pay bills there. Don't ever let someone make you feel bad in your home. It's just like, rule one.
[00:44:23] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. I heard the funniest thing. I was reading. I love to read. I read so much. I was reading this advice. It says what to do when someone says something that's highly offensive. And I was like, oh, what is it? Said, the one thing you need to know. So, of course, I click baited. I went in to. And you know what it said? I actually kind of liked the advice. It said, ask them, are you okay? And I thought that was, like, the best response, you know, if someone said something that was highly offensive to you personally or just off the wall, that's so unusual and terrible. Are you okay?
[00:45:03] Speaker B: It is a thing now for you. I've seen this where young people will literally ask, are you okay? And it's just like, the most random left field thing because it's just so perfect in the moment. Like, is that really, like, are you okay?
[00:45:16] Speaker A: Like, what if he had said that?
[00:45:17] Speaker B: But you want to get offended, but you're just not. So it's a whole thing. It's all I love.
[00:45:22] Speaker A: It is. It is okay. I have, I have a good one for you.
I'm going to actually switch gears. This is kind of random, but here we go. This article was in NPR recently, and it was titled why am I so forgetful? And I am curious as I dig into this article. I'm going to just highlight a handful of things because you've mentioned them in this very conversation today. It says lots of people start getting concerned as they age when they start forgetting things. And this article is really interesting. I'll drop it in the show notes for you. And it talks about how our brains are not designed to carry tons of junk with us. They are designed to carry what we need and deploy it when we need it. And then it goes on to say some reasons why you might not be remembering. You're interrupted often with digital devices or other people or stimulation. You're stressed and your sleep is poor.
[00:46:33] Speaker B: You know, to me, sleep is number one. I think, you know, people talk about, you know, but to me, you know, rest, just deliberate rest is so, you know, whether you call it self care or anything else, it's just so important to rest. But I do think there is an epidemic of mindlessness. And I don't know if it's just people have lost the will. To have attention is not easy. Let's be honest. It's hard to pay attention. Even before devices, it was hard to pay attention. Literally, cash registers at grocery stores before any computers were ever created were designed to scrap your attention and make you grab that last minute thing. So this is not, let's stop blaming the devices. Well, I'm finding just a lot of people lately are absent minded or the only way I can describe it is I feel like I almost have a superpower as I'm aging because I have so weaponized my own attention. I've gotten so good at throwing away everything useless and just focusing on what's essential, even if it's, like, dumb. Like, I'm at the market and then you've got tools then to augment that. Like, you know, I use location based reminders. So, like my phone, I always say, remind me when I get to Kroger to buy x so, like, I don't have to remember it's not on a list. But I show up at Kroger and then it goes boom. It knows I'm there. I think the challenge is people have so many inputs now that they, I don't know. It goes back to just the fact that people don't want to answer the phone, you know, like, it's another input, you know?
[00:47:56] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. I'm shocked. I still call Chris. I still call people, and that. That shocks them.
[00:48:03] Speaker B: I love it when you call. You have your voicemail from the other day on my phone. But I also take a supplement for my brain. Brain health. I've been on it for, God, ten years. It's from MIT, so figure that one out. Right? So if MIT doing something, and it's called elysium basis, so it's a nad plus it's a biohacking thing. It's ain't cheap. It's a couple hundred dollars a month. But I've been on it for a decade.
[00:48:26] Speaker A: Wow.
Is there any proof in your data that it's working?
[00:48:30] Speaker B: I get paid a lot, and I don't do a lot.
[00:48:32] Speaker A: Well, that's not true. You do so much.
That's not true.
[00:48:37] Speaker B: When I think about actual work, it's just like, I feel like I don't do a lot, but people are always like, I think the best company I've ever gotten was somebody who said, you're like a whole team.
[00:48:45] Speaker A: You are. You are. You're like a marketing person. The talent, the finance, the it.
Yeah, it's true. So you're.
[00:48:54] Speaker B: I'm a control freak.
[00:48:55] Speaker A: I would say the same, though, for myself, is that I have this ability to hyper focus. So in the time that I have, I get a ton done, and. And sometimes it's, you know, the amount of what five people might do in a single day, even more. And it's just my ability to focus. I'm not special. I'm not smarter than the next person. I can turn off my. Whatever it is and hyper focus on the task at hand to get through it.
[00:49:24] Speaker B: So let's just unpack that. I know we got to hurry, but also, I think hyper focus. I think there's a huge pathology that we have happening in our culture around ADHD, and hyperfocus is one of the things people love to list all the symptoms for all these diseases. But, like, again, before we made ADHD something that was pathologized, you know, and again, there were people who legitimately have challenges for it. There was nothing wrong with it. You know, I think, you know, people like to say, I'm OCD, okay? You know, you're not. Your hands aren't bleeding from, like, some level of that. I think there's a whole kind of, like, we should take the stigma away from some of the clinical diagnoses we throw around with abandon and just say, you know, those used to be actual skills, you know, to sit and to focus on getting one thing done. Created the Sistine chapel. To sit and get one thing done. Sent men to the moon, you know, so, like, we shouldn't be afraid of that, you know, but it. But, yeah, it's hard. Sorry, I didn't mean.
[00:50:24] Speaker A: No, I like that, Chris. I am very familiar with different diagnoses, including ADHD. And I. If you look at some of the pivotal inventions, big milestones in humanity, people with quote unquote ADHD have been core to that focus and propelling that idea forward.
So it is a superpower. I think it becomes challenging when you can't engage in other life activities, like.
[00:50:59] Speaker B: Paying a bill or there lies the issue. Right? So if you're, you know, and people are like, you know, you're making, you know, everybody hates everything everybody says, but, like, I just think, you know, you're, you know, I'm sure somebody will hear something I say and go, you know, you're not taking seriously, then, you know, my disability that I have around my diversity as it relates to ADHD, you know, I find it hard to, you know, pay bills or getting stuff. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about. There are some people who have what I would call the salad bar effect of neurodiversity, right? They have a little ADHD, they have a little autism. They over here with a little OCD. They have a little trauma in their background.
They've got a nice salad plate of a bunch of different things, of festive diagnoses, and they somehow make them work. And it's not easy, and it's not anything to be celebrated, but it shouldn't be. You shouldn't be ashamed of it, either. I speak to so many people our age now who go, I am ADHD. I need to get a medicine. All right, let's just talk to a girl in London today. She's like, I have a. I have an appointment. I'm like, before you diagnose yourself with something, if it's not Cripp, she's a successful business owner. Like, hey. Like, good friends and family. Now she's convinced she needs. I said before, you can you just maybe find some people who don't make you feel about yourself, starting with you. Just there. Just there. Well, you know, my partner sometimes says I'm a little intense.
It also works out well when you're having sex. So he likes the intensity there, but doesn't like it when he doesn't do something on time. That's a value of yours. You're having a value conversation on a clinical diagnosis. Sorry, I'll stop.
[00:52:39] Speaker A: No, that's very interesting insights.
I'm actually going to move on to this article. I really loved this one, though, because this one I wanted to throw your way because I know that as somebody who understands the concept of time.
[00:52:59] Speaker B: And.
[00:52:59] Speaker A: Being highly focused on caring for your loved ones after your physical body is no longer with us.
I loved this article. It was an interview with Steve Wozniak, and it says, when I die, these are the moments I want to remember. And let me tell you, they don't involve founding Apple. Co founding Apple specifically. So here's his quote. I thought it was so good.
[00:53:29] Speaker B: I love that he said, it doesn't involve founding Apple.
[00:53:32] Speaker A: Like that was the first line. So some. Someone interviewed him and I'll post this. It looks like it was from CNBC. I'll post the full interview. In the show notes, this person says, wow, you have such wealth and power. What do you want when you die? And he said, no, no, no, I want to die. Remembering my pranks, the fun I had, and funny jokes, I decided that life for me was not about accomplishment, it was about happiness.
And I just thought that was so.
I love focusing on being happy. And that looks different for you and for me and for our listeners. Each one of us has a different definition of happiness.
But what I thought was, I think that gets clearer as we age, what makes us happy, what fills the cup, who am I? And all those things kind of come together. But I specifically thought his thoughtful response was something that our listeners might want to be reminded of. If you are not in a situation, whether it's your job, your relationship, where you live, if you have the ability to change things so you are happier, do it. But this is the caveat. Be aware of what makes you happy and intentional in seeking it out. People often struggle to find happiness because they see it as a destination. If they get married, if they have kids, if they launch a big business, if they get a promotion, they'll finally be happy. That is called arrival fallacy.
So I thought that whole interview was so thoughtful. I'll post it in the show notes. It's really fantastic. I'm not very familiar with Steve, but I want to get to know him a little bit more.
[00:55:29] Speaker B: He actually dated Kathy Griffin for a while. He's an interesting cat. And when you think about how quietly he was behind the scenes for all those years. Yeah, I don't know. There's an eastern philosophy called memota morihood, which is why you'll see, a lot of it's what is in the east, but you'll see a lot of, like, philosophers will have skulls on their desks and momentum. More is just the idea of remembering you're going to die. And I do think there's something. And you've known me a long time. I'm obsessively focused on my death. I, you know, they always say, skate toward the puck, and I'm the same way, but for me, it really changed once I got married to someone 22 years younger than me. Right? So we've been together almost ten years, my husband and I. And I realized when we first got married that not only did I love him, but when we were working on our vows, they should go beyond time. So to that end, I had to really choose those words carefully, because if my calculations are right, he'll be, you know, probably in his early fifties, as, you know, not much older, nothing younger than I am today. Not much older than when I met him. And he'll be full of life, and I'll be gone. So I had to think about the words I would want him to remember in every day that I'm with him. I have to think about loving him in a way that the person who fills my shoes when I'm gone exceeds that. So to truly love my husband in a way that keeps him as filled with happiness when I'm gone as he was when I was here, is to train him to demand excellence in the people that love him in the future.
And it's such a powerful thought. And I think if you have children, you have children, you know, like, long after you're gone, how they raise their kids and, you know, from your mom and you. But for me, once, that didn't click until I had someone that I knew would outlive me, that I wanted to be happier even beyond me being gone. And how do you make that happen? And that just means you need to love beyond time.
[00:57:33] Speaker A: I'm trying not to cry.
[00:57:35] Speaker B: Oh, sorry.
[00:57:36] Speaker A: It's. It's really, really touching.
[00:57:39] Speaker B: I struggle with it. I really struggle with it, and I. Even my relationships, I, you know, I've known you for a long time, and I. Sometimes you and I went to Rick Davies or not Rick Davies. We went to someone's funeral together. One of our ex co workers husbands. Yeah, that was hard. I was a young. We both were young people, and we'd known her and we'd known him, and I don't know. I mean, you know, death is gonna happen, but until I actually worked toward death actively. You know, I was like, none of it really made sense. I didn't know what was important to me until I knew that there were people who need to be left behind in better shape. And then it clicked.
[00:58:13] Speaker A: Yeah. One of my best friends is a estate attorney, and she often and frequently talks about how it is the biggest gift you can give to your loved ones is to prepare for your death so they know what you want and what kind of service you do or don't want and where you want your assets to go. It is very painful to not have that roadmap. And we have a whole episode on that, actually. I'll link to it again in the show notes, but it takes a certain level of maturity, though, to get to that point where you can say, I'm not going to live forever. I have people that I love. How can I take care of them with how I'm able to right now? And the biggest impact, I think, would be your spirit, who you are right now, showing them love and compassion and all those things. And then the legal stuff comes after. Obviously, there's practicalities.
[00:59:10] Speaker B: And again, I have a safe right here. If you're watching the video, you can see there's a safe, right, your little buttons. And then there is a giant red book with pages and pages and pages of what to do. I'm in a coma. I'm dead. The house is on fire. It doesn't matter. It's in there. And one, it's hard because it's bouncing. I mean, being super present, but also being super mindful of, you know, what has to happen, because you also. You want life to be easy for your spouse or your children, but, you know, it's so easy, they don't know how to think. Right. So it's a real balancing act. And I do think that, you know, technology has a role to play with that. I mean, one of the things I did, I was fortunate enough to ask to get write a book and do some television and stuff over the years. But one of the things I did was I took my book and then the journal that I shared with you earlier, and I made sure that all of that was archived someplace. So I have a private GPT, again, not trained anything called barebot, and my husband can come here at any time and start to practice having a relationship with me if I'm not here. This worked great when I started traveling back to Europe in the beginning of the year, they can just come here and say, hi, I'm having a rough day, make me smile.
And because it was trained on me. And what I share, it starts to say, hey, Fernando. I know it says it heavy. Even the dark. Okay, I'm gonna start to cry. I have to stop reading it. Oh, sorry.
But it answers as me.
[01:00:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:00:35] Speaker B: And that feels good. Yeah, that feels good.
[01:00:38] Speaker A: Yeah. How did you meet Fernando?
[01:00:41] Speaker B: An app.
[01:00:42] Speaker A: I love it.
[01:00:45] Speaker B: I was 2015. I was on a dating app, and I paid for the pro version, so access to, like, all the filters and things, and I just had, like, very specific filters. Height, weight, education, income, ethnicity, politics. I literally did every filter you could. So, literally, if someone was in, if there was a picture there, it was perfect, right? If I was paying $60 a month, I wanted. That's the one. And obviously, I'd go to a big city. I'd always get, like, five or ten people who were, like, just perfect matches. And one day, I was home at my house in Tennessee, in the middle of nowhere. I lived next to Sheryl Crow, right in where all the music, like, the music star buses would drive by my house right at my first show, my first tv show in the book and stuff. And as I got an alert on my phone, like, no one's here. Like, no one comes to the middle of Franklin, Tennessee, if you ever want to, like, know where those superstars live. And it sure enough. And I started, like, I looked at this picture. I'm like, he's cute, but, like, really? And then I started looking at all this stuff. I'm like, oh, my God. It's all there. So did I text him? Did I chat? Nope. Did I send any text message? Nope. I took a screenshot of the filters, and I sent that as my first message. Didn't say hi, didn't say anything, just showed all the things I was looking for. Didn't even put his picture in there. And he typed back, I have to meet you.
And then we.
[01:02:06] Speaker A: Cool.
[01:02:07] Speaker B: We tried to meet for, like, three days. He was visiting some family just south of me. Didn't get it. Couldn't get it to work. He was flying out the next day. And then we talked a little bit about tech. He didn't know anything about me. And then I knew about where he was, because he told me what little town he. What little village he was in. So the last night there, we couldn't make it work. So I was laying in bed, and I just got out of bed, and I said, I'm just gonna go. And I didn't know where he was. I just drove close to where I thought he would be in the village. He said he was staying in. And I got there, and we had been text messaging at that point, and at that point, I just didn't text anything again. I just sent my location. You know, you can just send your location to someone.
[01:02:42] Speaker A: And I just wait.
[01:02:44] Speaker B: And I thought, well, he's either gonna say, hi, you're crazy, or I don't know what's gonna happen. And I waited five minutes, and I waited, and I bought flowers with me, and I waited ten minutes, and nothing. About 13 minutes. I thought, okay, he thinks I'm weird. He just really, you know, I just show up kind of maybe somewhere close to where he is, and all of a sudden, I'm in this strange parking lot. It's July 3. There's no stores open. It's like, after dark. I'm under a light, and my exact location of this car. I see this car coming. Could that be him? And he pulls up, and I saw the door open, and he gets out, and I could see his glasses and his hair, and it was him. And I just started getting so excited. And he had this big smile on his face, and he walked over, and he goes, that was the. That was the sweetest thing. And I gave him the flowers, and we kissed them. They were practicing some fireworks, and fireworks sort of going off. And he goes, it was worth the wait.
[01:03:30] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
I hope that all of those friends of ours, Chris, that are not finding their person or a person to enjoy life with, I hope that gives them hope that it's worth it. Going through these apps and waiting and meeting the wrong person so you can get to the right person, they're hell.
[01:03:53] Speaker B: But you will do it. You have to know, though, exactly what you want, and you have to chase it with reckless, reckless abandon. Even means getting your heart broke alone in an empty parking lot, because once it's there, it'll be there forever.
[01:04:09] Speaker A: I love it. Oh, my gosh.
I wish I could keep you on forever, Chris. I will you come back and talk to our listeners about your book and specifically about how technology has transformed your life and continues to. I know our listeners want to hear that story directly from you, and I'd love to be able to share it to them.
[01:04:34] Speaker B: Yeah. And I'd love to do another react with some crazier stuff, because every now and then, I'll see memes and things. I'm just like, what do I even do with this? I kind of get. And to be honest with you, like, I never really got memes. Like, I'm really late to the party because I'm like, do people just not know how to show their feelings because they would, like, just share a thing? But now I get it. It's like so much easier, I think, to, like, share those things and watching my spouse do it and all this other kind of stuff. And I'm dying to ask you about what you think of influencer culture. I'm just obsessed with, like, how did this become so big? But yes, I would love to come back. I'm a huge fan. I thought the show idea was so smart. The team of talent you have working with you on the show, I know, is also exceptional. I love the website. I literally like the show so much that you ran an ad on the show recently. At least on the version I listened to, there was like an ad at the beginning. I literally contacted that company just because I wanted to throw business their way. I'm so proud of you because I think it takes an exceptional person in the their, in their middle of their career to say, I'm going to do something that exposes me, not for who I am, Karen, the marketing professionals, all that kind of stuff. But then show so much vulnerability because you're not a flashy person, you're not a camera person, you're not an interviewer, you're not someone who throws around platitudes easily. You have to mean them. So the fact that week after week you get guest and put on a show, take time to understand them. Take time to go through house fires and family and all the things you go through, and you still do it with such resilience. I mean, the world is really blessed. Have you in a carrot stone.
[01:06:04] Speaker A: I love you. That is the nicest compliment I've gotten in a long time. So thank you.
[01:06:11] Speaker B: Oh, you. You were my first, one of my first work wives, so I love you, too.
[01:06:15] Speaker A: I know. Yes, I know. Fernando has to deal with me still. You know, I still need you.
[01:06:22] Speaker B: Well, you've got to listen. I knew you were going to be fine, but, man, when I started interacting with your kids, I thought, Narosi, she's slaying. You are raising some amazing children. God, you all are such a lucky family.
[01:06:34] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Well, Chris, thank you for coming today. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your friendship. I adore you. And you're one of the most special people in my life. You always will be. So thank you.
[01:06:48] Speaker B: Thank you, Karen. I love you.
[01:06:49] Speaker A: Love you, too.
And that brings us to the end of another episode. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. Okay, so if you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. If you're loving what you hear. I would be incredibly grateful if you took just a moment to rate and review this show on your favorite podcast platform. It helps others discover us, and it's a great place to share your thoughts, suggestions, and ideas for future episodes. For even more exclusive content and detailed show notes, check out our website at. That's spelled out 3005 six four.com as always, a huge, huge thank you for spending time with me today during this episode. I appreciate that you tuned in to I'm going to leave you the same way I do every episode. Remember, it's not too late, you're not too old, and you're definitely not dead. Okay? Until next time, friends.
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