Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:08] Welcome back to 3564, a podcast for the Middle. Today I have six reasons I can guarantee that most of you listeners feel guilty about. Now, I run across these really often, almost on a daily basis. You're going to deal with at least three or four out of the six things I'm about to mention today. I'm here to lift your guilt and tell you how to make it through these six things without feeling bad. Number one, declining invitations. I have some people in my life that are really, really good at this. They don't want to go. They think they want to use their time elsewhere. It's really easy for them to say no and decline. But if you're like me, I have, I don't know, sometimes a bit of a bleeding heart. And I always think, oh, I need to be there to support this person. If I don't show up, it's just a bad look. And then when you're thinking through declining, say, an evite. Thanks so much, John. I was really looking forward to your party. I can't make it because my grandmother is in the hospital. No, no, no, no. What we don't need to do is give excuses for why we are not attending. The people who have nailed this and I have really taken on this approach is just simply to say thank you so much for the invite. I'm not able to make it. I really appreciate you thinking of me. It kind of is like a thanks. I feel honored that you thought of me. And you do not, repeat, do not have to lie about something else that's going on. You simply do not need to tell them why you are not coming. Okay, that one I hear on a daily basis from friends about weddings and even funerals, you name it. There's all sorts of things we're invited to and at this age we should know better. Age should bring wisdom. And we know that time is the most precious resource we have. So make sure to spend your time wisely and only truly accept invitations to the things you really want to do. Don't let guilt make you say yes. And don't lie because you don't want to go. You don't have to. I hope that helps someone out there. It's definitely a new approach for me. And I got to tell you, it feels so refreshing not to go to that five year old birthday party. I just really don't want to go to. Number two, texting back. This is a tough one for me. I get so many messages on my phone on a daily basis and typically those Messages are coming through rapid pace while I'm trying to work or exercise or eat dinner, something. They're coming in all the time. And sometimes I read them and sometimes I don't. I'll pause and if it's from somebody who is not totally critical or time sensitive, I might not reply for a little bit. Have you ever felt bad that you missed a text message? There's like this, this gap where, okay, it's kind of cool. It's been an hour and then it's been a day and then it's been a week and there comes this, like, point of no return. I don't even think I should reply to this text message because it's so, hey, if somebody really needs something from you, they will find you. They will knock on your door, they will pick up the phone, they will find a way to get in front of you. And I just don't want you to feel bad about not replying to texts simply because you forget. Now, I do think it is super douchey to purposely use text messages and responding and that whole thing mischievously. I think in particular that happens with romantic relationships with people who are dating or people who are married and the silent treatment and the, that push and pull. I'm not going to respond fast because I have a life and all these stupid things. No. Okay, let's just use a text message as a way to communicate and if it fails, then try another way. But stop feeling bad if you forgot to reply. Okay, I'm going to do the same. I face it almost every day. To all my friends out there who didn't get a response from me, I love you. You know I love you. And you know I will eventually get back to you or you're going to call. So no more guilt over slowness in response to text messages that you get. Number three, birthdays. There are so many birthdays that we have. We have mom and dad, we have our kids, we have the teacher, we're celebrating. We have the swim coach, we have the neighbor, we have our best friend's daughter. It is overwhelming to keep up with birthdays. And I know those of you who are on social media a lot. I actually get this from my friends. They say, one of the only reasons why I like Facebook is because I don't forget birthdays. And I sort of chuckle at that. I.
[00:05:00] I forget birthdays. I really do. I really, really do. And I used to kind of backtrack, you know, you might say, hey, Chris, how was the weekend? Oh, I had a good time. It was my birthday. And there's that moment where your heart's like, oh, crap, I forgot. I handle it differently now and it feels so much better. I just simply say, wow, I hope it was a great birthday. And that's that I don't take on all this guilt of forgetting to get the card and the gift and all the things. And I, oh my gosh, this, this happens on a pretty regular basis now. I just forget. And I'm not on Facebook a ton. I'm not, I'm not on social media a ton. So I don't get the reminders that I know some of you do. I do remember my children's birthdays and my parents. But you know what? It just gets too crazy. You can't remember it all. Stop the guilt. And I'm going to, like, include a couple of other things. Anniversaries. Some of my best friends have been married 10 plus years and I celebrate that with them. But I don't feel guilty that I forgot the date and I was even in the wedding. I don't feel like that's something I need to take on. So next time somebody says, hey, it was my birthday a few days ago and I went to, I went to the sandwich shop with everybody and had a really fun party. You don't have to say, oh my God, I'm so sorry, I forgot. What you need to say is, wow, I hope it was a good birthday. Move on. Don't feel guilty. Release the stress. I love it. Number four, tipping. There are full podcast episodes on tipping etiquette, when to tip, how to tip, why to tip, overwhelming tip strategies. Oh, gosh, I step up to that screen. I was just ordering some burritos the other day at a Mexican restaurant. It was a quick service restaurant. So you go to the front, you order at the register, you take a number and they will bring you your food on a tray. This is not like fine dining. It is really just a glorified fast food place. And I ordered a burrito and I think some chicken to go. And the man, you know, I, I use Apple Pay and I click and he flips the screen for me to sign it. And I'm going to tell you, it's so crazy. The tip started at 20%, 20, 25 and 30 other. And I think there's also a no and I, I put no. I used to feel guilty. And I will tell you, I still kind of look around to see who's watching. But do you feel guilty when you put zero? I don't know. I Don't think. And this is your personal preference. If you love your barista, if you love your burrito, whatever it is. But I think we should tip because we want to tip, not because we feel guilty. And most of the time in the last few years, I have been putting that, you know, 20% because I feel guilty. And the truth is, is I don't believe that the service I'm getting is tip worthy. They're not doing a bad job, they're just doing their job. I might get some hate in the comments here about that, but my friend, I want to release the guilt from you. Tell me when you do it the first time, you're going to do the, like, look behind your shoulder, who's watching? Are they going to spit in my food? No, no, no. Everything's going to go fine. You're going to move on with your day and maybe by the end of the month you'll save a couple hundred bucks in tipping that you really just didn't need to do. That one is a tough one for a lot of us. Number five, people feel guilty about resting and relaxing. Not all of you. Some of you are like, no, Karen, I am a total pro at the Netflix and chill. I will binge watch five seasons of Handmaid's Tale and just go all in. And I love you for that. I really do. Because I have a hard time. Oh my gosh, this sounds so funny. I have a hard time sitting on the couch and watching a show and not feeling guilty. Yeah, yeah, I'm serious. I feel, oh my gosh, I could be brainstorming on the next podcast episode. I could be working with my agency clients. I could be exercising. The laundry is piling up. I find a gazillion things that I should be doing when the truth is, is sometimes you should be relaxing. So I, I read the funniest story about this wife and I, I thought this was so cute when her husband came home and if she happened to be watching the tv. She worked from home, by the way. So this, this woman had no commute. She felt like she had to turn off the TV instantly, get up and pretend she was doing something. And I thought, I chuckled and I thought, yep, yep, I totally get it. It just funny enough feels weird when I'm not productive. A guilt. So I have a suggestion for you. Find somebody who doesn't feel guilty about chilling, about reading, about relaxing, and have them encourage you. I also think it's really great if your partner or your best friend is opposite of you here. I think there's a nice mix of having someone who is very productive and very chill, and then you kind of get that happy medium. But don't do what I do. Don't sit on the couch. Don't stress when you turn on the TV and just let it kind of roll. Relax. Don't feel guilty about it. Number six, not volunteering. Oh, I know. Okay. I'm looking at my email literally this very second, and there is some sort of message about planning eighth grade graduation. And the theme is friends. And I'm sitting here, I don't even have a child who's graduating eighth grade. And I don't really feel interested in supporting this particular event. And I don't know, I just sort of feel like it's unnecessary. However, I'm getting bombarded with emails from sports, from school, from nonprofits. Everybody wants you to volunteer. I even get, you know, stuff from my local city. Come volunteer and pick up trash. Hey, I love you guys that are volunteering to pick up trash. The problem is that many of you get hundreds of invitations to come volunteer. A really good example. I was just registering my son for a Y S O, AKA all your Saturdays occupied. And as I was going through the registration process, they make you click. How are you going to volunteer this year? And there's head coach, there's assistant coach, there's setting up the fields, there's team mom or dad. There are so many opportunities to volunteer. The challenge is sometimes it just doesn't fit in your schedule. So I just think take on what you can when it makes sense, but don't feel guilty because someone else has done more work in some other space that you are benefiting from. I have been a coach in soccer, and you know what? That was a huge commitment, and I honor all of the coaches that do that. It takes a village, right, to. To get these group sports up and running. But I. I did my time. I. I volunteered. My schedule allowed for it, and right now it doesn't. And I'm finally okay to say I don't feel guilty. I remember I was my son's room mom. Oh, gosh. This was a while ago, maybe six or seven years ago. And it was so fun. You know, I planned class parties and I was in all the time. I don't have time for that right now. I simply have other priorities where I'm scheduled for work. And I don't have the time to coordinate, you know, Easter bunny hats and jelly bean games during the Easter holiday. But I love all you moms and dads who do that. Thank you very much. Next time you are offered something in the form of volunteering and you just can't fit it in, it's okay to say no. It's also key to be grateful for the people who are doing it. Okay, that is our episode for the day one. I just want you to let me know what are you guilty about? What kind of silly things like those things that I mentioned do you feel guilty about? I want to know. Drop a note in the chat. DM me. I'd love to hear your stories and I hope you're able to make your way through the next weeks and months a little bit less guilty. All right, friends, take care.
[00:13:11] And that brings us to the end of another episode. I hope you enjoyed the content and I'd love it if you would share this with a friend or family that you think would enjoy it. This is such a great time. Middle age, and I want to spread that message. The best way to do that is to share it. And if you haven't already followed us or subscribed, make sure to do that so you don't miss any of our new content.
[00:13:44] I'm going to leave you like I do every episode. Remember, it's never too late, you're not too old, and you're definitely not dead.
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