Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: You don't need to find your twin. She doesn't exist. Like, you are the only Victoria. Find someone who's similar to you that you can connect with, but also is fertile and is healthy, you know, and has good genetics. And so that's what we did. That's how I got pregnant with my daughter, who's now six and a half years old, who. This is where I cry. She's the love of my life, complete soulmate, like, just brought to me from the heavens. Like, she is my soul's match. Like, she doesn't look like me, but she is me.
[00:00:38] Speaker B: Welcome to 3564, a podcast for the Middle. I have a very, very special episode planned for you. In fact, I'm not sure I have ever been this candid and vulnerable about something that is so near and dear to my heart. And that is the subject topic. Stories of infertility and the challenging journey it took for me to get to a place where I could call myself a mom. I go deep into my personal experience.
The pain, the expense, emotionally and monetarily, the trauma. I even forget how difficult this journey was. And as you can hear later in the interview, it's quite emotional for me. I was so lucky to be introduced to Victoria Nino, who is here today to chat with you about all things infertility. Victoria is an author, an advocate, and founder of Infertility Unfiltered, which is a platform designed to share the realities of infertility and donor conception. She was diagnosed with endometriosis and suffered for years. With challenging menstrual cycles. Victoria endured a challenging fertility journey that you're about to hear on.
Through her blog and advocacy work, Victoria shares her story, her challenges, her triumphs, the full journey to give you, your family and your friends hope who are struggling this very moment with having the challenge to conceive a child. Victoria, it is so wonderful to have you. Thank you for joining us.
[00:02:49] Speaker A: Thank you for having me excited to be here.
[00:02:51] Speaker B: When I heard about your story through somebody who works at the podcast, I knew we had to have you on. You have such an incredible story of hope, of challenge, of resilience. Can we just dive right in? I'd love for you to tell our listeners about your journey to becoming a mom.
[00:03:14] Speaker A: You're already making me cry, which I'm guaranteed to cry throughout this podcast. Just a heads up. So, gosh, my husband and I got married when I was 29 and we thought we would just, like get pregnant on the honeymoon or shortly after.
I had a big planner Mindset and had even a horoscope sort of thing figured out for my future babies. And just being the type a person that I was, I thought I had it all figured out and there was a different plan for us. And after trying the old fashioned way for many years, I realized something must be wrong. And so went to the doctor. And at the time, I was 32, I believe. And she checked on my levels and she said, gosh, like, your numbers are looking more like someone in their late 40s. And I was like, what? Like, I'm 32, you know? She said, but that's okay, you're still young. Like, that's. They kept saying that to me. It's, you're still young, don't worry, you're still young. And I was like, okay, they're like, we're going to get you pregnant. It's going to work, you know. And so we tried insemination many times with my husband's sperm. I think we did that five times, which was way too many because it's not cheap and it's also like emotionally draining. Like, the first time I remember thinking I was for sure pregnant. I was like acting pregnant. And like, I remember even being around my parents and my mom was treating me like I was pregnant, you know. And so then when I got my period, I was like extra devastated because it was my first time doing all this. And then after that didn't work, they said, okay, we need to try ivf. So we tried IVF many times and I only ever got two eggs ever.
[00:04:47] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:04:48] Speaker A: Yeah. And we retrieved with two eggs, which most people would never do that, you know, like, most doctors would even say it's not worth our time. But my doctor knew that was like the best I ever had was two. And so we tried to retrieve them and they were not good. So we then had the hard conversation around egg donation. And this was. I think I was 35 by this time. I mean, this is like a long journey of just going at it.
In the midst of all this, I found out I had stage three endometriosis, which made sense because it had attacked all my eggs as well as other things. But, like, my eggs was like, the biggest thing is that, you know, it just kind of had eaten away at my eggs and I probably wasn't fertile even in my, like, early 20s, if, you know, if not earlier, because I had had symptoms of endometriosis in college. So, like, I knew my periods were not right and I knew my pain was probably not accurate.
And every time I went to the gynecologist, they'd say, oh, that's just how you're made up, honey. Some people have long periods. Some people have more pain. And they just dismissed me. And so finding out that I actually had to have a surgery to determine I had it, I've had a couple of those surgeries to remove it because it could grow back. And so it was validating, but also infuriating because all this time I've been trying to tell people something's wrong, and they just told me there was nothing wrong.
So my doctor said, hey, you know, if you thought about egg donation. And I was like, what? What is that? Like, what are you talking about? Are you saying this is the end for me? And she was like, no, we can try XYZ medication and pump you up on all this, all these other things. And I remember looking at my husband, he was like, okay, okay. And I was like, no, no, no, no. Like, I can't do anymore. Like, my body is done. Like, you've got it. We've. I like the idea of a pivot. You know, what does this mean? Does this chances? And it gave me much better chances, obviously, because it would be young, fertile eggs, right, that I was working with because my womb and lining and all that looked fine. It was the eggs that were the issue. So there's a lot of grieving that happened in that process because it was like the loss of my future genetics being passed on. It was the loss of a connection of my parents to the child. It was all these worries and fears that just filled my head around, how is this child going to feel about me? Like, what does this make me? And I remember googling when I left there, who would be the real mom? You know, like, crazy stuff, you know, which now I'm like, for sure. The real mom.
There's no one more real than me when it comes to motherhood to these two children of mine. Spoiler alert. Two children came to me through this process, but we chose an egg donor, which is a totally creepy, weird process. You're, like, looking online at these young, beautiful girls with your husband, potentially, if you have a spouse. And it's just weird. And I remember we sat down and we, like, opened a bottle of wine, and within five minutes, he was like, do I have to do this? And I was like, no, you're out. Like, I'm going to pick her. And then I'll tell you, and you can say yes or no. He's like, okay, thank you. And so I found a girl that looked very Similar to me. Similar heritage, activities, interests, talents went forward with her, but unfortunately, her eggs didn't work either. And so the day before her retrieval, the doctor called and said, I have some good news and bad news. The good news is she is really like you. The bad news is her eggs are too. And I was like, what are you talking about? I mean, at this point, we had cashed in our 401k, maxed out our.
[00:08:16] Speaker B: This was our Hail Mary.
[00:08:17] Speaker A: Like, we had grieved so much to get to acceptance of this way. And then for her to say that didn't even work. I thought it was cursed. I'm not meant to be a mom, you know?
[00:08:27] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:08:28] Speaker A: So I went to a very dark place after that. Like, very dark place. I was already in a dark place. And this was like, my. This was going to fix everything for me in my head at the time. So we took a year off, and I had this, like, spiritual experience in Thailand with a monk in the rain.
And my husband was like, we got to try again. He was like, what? He's like, that guy doesn't even talk. I was like, I know, but, like, he gave me this message that we're supposed to try again. He was like, okay, let's get out of the rain. Like, okay, yeah. So we went back, we found a new doctor, a new donor. And he even said to me, he was like, victoria, you don't need to find your twin. She doesn't exist. Like, you are the only Victoria. Find someone who's similar to you that you can connect with, but also is fertile and is healthy and has good genetics. And so that's what we did. That's how I got pregnant with my daughter, who's now six and a half years old, who. This is where I cry. She's the love of my life, complete soulmate, like, just brought to me from the heavens. Like, she is my soul's match. Like, she doesn't look like me, but she is me. You know, we have this saying, like, I am you and you are me because we're so, so deeply connected. And so from that egg donor, we had two other embryos that we thought we'd have three children. We thought we got the good eggs now, right? This is all going to work out. We're going to get three kids. Well, unfortunately, those two didn't work. I didn't get pregnant. And that was a really hard time, too, because then I was grieving her brother and sister, you know, potentially. And I felt like I failed her, you know? And I think that level of grief was, like, even more complicated than the others because it was like, I felt like I lost it for her, you know?
And then I randomly got pregnant spontaneously at 40. What was I, 41 or 42? 42, I think. No, 41 for the first time in my whole life. And miscarried, unfortunately. But I was just like, what? What is the world telling me?
[00:10:27] Speaker B: You know?
[00:10:28] Speaker A: And my daughter, I'll never forget. We were standing out here in the hallway outside of our bathroom, and she said, why is the baby not coming, Mama? You know? And I was like, I'm trying really hard. You know, I'm doing everything I can, but we don't have any more eggs. And she said, we'll just get new eggs. And I was like, it's not that easy, sweetie. I can't just go to Trader Joe's, you know? I said, it's really hard. It's really hard. And she. And she, like, grabbed me and she said, mama, remember, we can do hard things. And I said, yeah. Yep, we can. That's something I always say to her. Thank you, Glennon Doyle. That night, I said to my husband, I said, I think we gotta get new eggs. He was like, are you insane? And I'm like, I've already thought about it. Like, we could get frozen eggs this time. They're cheaper, it's faster. Like, we don't have someone. Like, they're already there.
And he was like, if this is what you want to do, let's do it.
[00:11:21] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:11:22] Speaker A: So started all over at the age of 42, like, all over with a new egg donor, and got pregnant with my son, who is now almost 2. And he's like, it all makes sense now. And, like, no, it was always him. You know what I mean? Like, it was never those other embryos. It was this little guy who was, like, sharp as attack, but so loving and so kind and empathetic. He's the complete, perfect puzzle to our family.
So, you know, it's just. It's wild. And I've had a lot of, like, spiritual experience in all of this. Like, psychics, intuitives, like, telling me, like, this boy's coming. Like, don't worry, he's coming. And I was like, I'm out of eggs. You know, like, how is he coming? And then here he was, or here he is. And so it's been a crazy, crazy journey, but it's ours, and I'm really proud to tell it.
[00:12:14] Speaker B: Yeah. This is such an incredible story.
It is beyond somebody desiring a child. It is, you know, Your life's mission against all odds, at so much expense. Not only, you know, financially, I don't think people understand how expensive this process is if they haven't been through it. But the emotional toll you pay on this is unspeakable. I myself have, have gone through an infertility journey. I have shared it with some of my close friends. I've actually never shared about it on the podcast, but I think it would be a good time for me to do that. Before I jump into my story, though, I do have some really interesting statistics. So one in six people globally right now have been diagnosed or it's undiagnosed. They're considered infertile. So unable to have a child within six months to a year. That is an astounding number of people. Okay, this isn't just your friend from college who's someone else's cousin. This is your best friend. This is your daughter. This could be you. It is not something that is uncommon. It is quite common. One in six?
[00:13:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:41] Speaker B: So on average, if you are under the age of 35, it takes six months to a year to get pregnant. The average age of women delivering children in the US right now is 26.9. So almost 27. However, this is a kicker. The average age of folks Getting married is 31.4 right now. In the US that has continued to climb with changes in society as women continue gaining traction in the workplace and everywhere. The equality that we've been given has now delayed a lot of women seeking to have children and or partnering up to have children, however they do that through marriage or a long term partnership. But wow, this is a real issue and the more we talk about it, the more we can educate our friends, our families, our husbands, our boyfriends, whoever it is that needs to know how this journey can happen, what the paths could be, and just how to support people, for goodness sakes. I know that you have probably been told, just chill and relax and it will come when you stop trying. Okay, I'm going to barf on that right now. No, that is not accurate. So I had been married about two years and I always knew that I wanted to have children. And I started trying actively to have children. I. I read this book, actually, I still stand by this book. It is a beautiful book about women, our bodies, how they work. It is called taking charge of your fertility. Super old school. Like super old school. It's written by Tony Weschler. I'll drop a note to it in the show notes here. And it tells you in layman's terms, but real terms, what happens with your body on a monthly basis during your cycle and everything from understanding the smallest symptoms, that you are ovulating and that you might be pregnant, all sorts of things. So educational. I've bought this book for quite a few friends who are trying to get pregnant. But I read that I started doing temperature tracking to see when I was ovulating. And. And you know, that is. First off, that's terrible. If you do it month after month after month and you're rushing your partner over to have sex so you can get pregnant, it takes the beauty out of the union that happens there, and it just becomes this rote activity. Really terrible. I could go, I could do a whole podcast episode on that. I won't.
So I tried to do that. Finally, I said, hey, something's not right. I need to go to my gynecologist and figure out what's happening. So my gynecologist said, okay, Karen, you know what? You're 29, 30ish, and you should be able to get pregnant. Why don't we give you some Clomid?
So Clomid, if you're unfamiliar listeners, is a pill. You pick it up at your local Walgreens pharmacy, and it is supposed to multiply the number of eggs that is released in your cycle and improve the number of eggs that you are creating. So it's supposed to do all sorts of stuff that didn't work. But you hear a lot about multiples nowadays. There's a lot of infertility pieces there, and sometimes it's totally natural. But a lot of these mega multiples end up coming from things like Clomid and IUI that didn't work. I think I did that for six months and then I went on to the big guns, so I went over to iui. So IUI is insemination, intrauterine insemination. And what that is is your partner puts a sample into a cup.
[00:18:04] Speaker A: Puts.
[00:18:05] Speaker B: They then put the cup into, almost like an injection device. It's a tube. And they put that tube straight through your cervix to deposit the sperm directly into your uterus. And so it's an uncomfortable process, not only for your partner who's giving these samples, but when you do one cycle of IUI, you can have up to 15 doctor appointments pre IUI, and you say, what the heck? Why is that? So the doctor is looking to monitor your cycle, how many eggs are coming from your cycle and exactly when you're expected to ovulate. And this isn't for all those of you who have had an ultrasound on anywhere of your body, this is not an ultrasound on the top of your skin. This is a wand that is. It gets inserted inside of you. So for those of you that hate getting a annual pap smear, this is your worst nightmare. All of a sudden, you're spreading your legs constantly. I actually, I think once I calculated how many times I had to do that, and it was in the thousands, after all, my treatment was over. So the iui, you stimulate your eggs with injections to try to get more eggs. So you're pumping yourself with hormones. You're giving yourself all these injections. And during that process, I did, I believe, seven rounds of iui. During that process, I had over a thousand doctor appointments. That is insane. Sometimes going twice a day for blood draws, you feel like a human experiment. And not only is it massively uncomfortable, this emotional process of feeling like your body is failing you. And you know the shame that comes with that, Watching your friends and family starting to start families. It is. It's like, what's wrong with me? God? What did I do that I don't get this gift in life? My goodness, I did so many crazy things. I traveled with a. You know that blanket they put on you when you, like, get dental X rays?
[00:20:35] Speaker A: Yeah, I did that.
[00:20:36] Speaker B: I traveled with one of those on planes. I mean, yeah, what in the hell?
[00:20:42] Speaker A: I would like boots in the middle of summer. Because Chinese medicine doctor told me that if you keep your. Your feet warm, it'll help your fertility. I mean, totally.
[00:20:52] Speaker B: I went to an acupuncturist. I actually, that was a successful cycle. I'm not sure if that was why I finally did get pregnant on the last cycle, but I did all sorts of Chinese herbs and listen, I was up for anything. I was desperate. And I calculated I spent between like 50 and $75,000 on these treatments, countless amounts of hours. But none of this wasn't covered. Covered by insurance. So for those of you that don't know, I know all these different insurance policies are different, but there are some organizations out there that do support this journey for women through their corporate health insurance. Bravo to you organizations who do that, people in hr. This is like a basic human requirement that you should be covering. I'm going to go as far as to say, shame on you if you don't. But this process, Victoria, brought me to my knees as a wife, as a woman, as someone with hopes and dreams of the future. I was absolutely crushed during this process, and I felt just worthless And I'm really blessed to say I have three children now. There wasn't challenges in between all those pregnancies, including a miscarriage that was absolutely devastating. But my journey to becoming a mom, you know, has. Has been a real thing, too.
And, you know, I was just telling Victoria what time we had to end our recording today because I have to go pick up my kids at school. And you know what? I remember a day when. When I didn't think I'd be able to ever say that.
So just being able to say, I'm going to get my kids at school is the thing that I dreamed of saying. And I am so lucky that I am here right now with three children. But not everyone has my journey. Not everyone has Victoria's journey. Every journey is wildly different with many different outcomes. Victoria, what would you say was the most challenging during your time of trying to get pregnant? There's so many different feelings, but can you hone in on a couple things that were really troubling for you?
[00:23:22] Speaker A: Yeah, I think the genetic grief was by far the hardest. Like, you know, seeing other families just get pregnant naturally or, you know, spontaneously. I don't like to use the word naturally. Spontaneously, by accident. And then, you know, seeing moms and their. Their daughters or children looking like little mini mes.
You know, I think when I was grieving my genetics, I. It was a process that, like, you can't explain to someone because it's like this invisible grief, but to you, it's so visible, right? And there were triggers. There were everywhere triggers everywhere. Whether it was, like, seeing, like I said, a mom and a daughter looking alike, or someone commenting, making a comment, like, because my daughter, My husband's Colombian, so she actually looks more Colombian than she does Caucasian, even though the egg donor was Caucasian. And so had it even been my genes, she probably wouldn't look much like me anyway. But people stop us all the time. And when she was a newborn, it was, like, aggressive, because everybody wants to talk about who a newborn looks like, right? Even in the hospital, the nurses, right? And so they. People would say, oh, wow, she really doesn't look like you. Or even if my husband wasn't there, she must look like her daddy. And so that was really hurtful for me in the beginning because I was still, like, trying to grieve that part. And I was so worried and so fearful that that was going to, like, cause my daughter to not love me as much or, like, I wasn't deserving enough. I wasn't. I wasn't good enough. I Wasn't as equal of, you know, mother motherhood as, like, the woman who had shared her genetics with her child. And I've since worked through all of that. Now I, like, teach classes on it, and I help people, you know, through that process. But at the time, it was the most debilitating thing. I didn't even want to take her in public, or if I did, I'd cover her up, because some days I was like, I just can't handle it. Today, you.
So for me, I think that was the biggest thing, because I think also, like, growing up, like, my vision of family was two biological parents, and we all kind of looked alike.
It was an easy. Just. It was our family, right? I didn't know anyone. I knew one girl who was adopted. I grew up in a very small town in Maryland, and that was it. And she didn't look like her parents, but that was my only example of that. And so when this hit me, it was like my belief system was, like, thrown off because it's like, wait, so does. What does this mean now? You know, like, I had to redefine what family meant, which is now why I'm a big advocate for, like, talking to kids about this stuff, because that's where the belief systems start. And we need to be reading to all kids, you know, the books about other families, how they're made, diversity, inclusion, because we don't want them growing up and then having these belief systems that are thrown off, it was. It was trauma for me. So I think that was the biggest thing. Like, you know, obviously, like, the infertility grief was hard because it was like, I just wanted to be a mom. But then knowing, like, I was gonna be a mom with the help of this other woman and how does she fit in my family was, like, really hard to navigate. Knowing I'd never seen it on tv. I'd never. Celebrity came out and said they used an egg donor. There's no books about it. There's no movies about. I mean, it was like I had to Google all this stuff and lean on my doctor for information. And for the longest time, I didn't tell anyone. I was just very secret about it all. So I was going to these baby showers, like, holding it all together, and then crying in the car on the way home thinking, gosh, will I ever get a turn? And so now I'm very loud about it. I want everyone and people to know it's okay. There's a lot of people that use egg donation. It's okay. You're still a Family, you're still deserving, you're still equal. And I'm very open with my children about it so much that my daughters talked about it at our school and talks about it openly. And we're very proud and I just hope that we can normalize for the younger generations after us.
[00:27:09] Speaker B: She sounds so incredible, so wise at her age.
I love hearing about her being so proud of how she was brought into this world. Are you comfortable sharing with the audience how much you spent on this whole process overall? Do you have a general number?
[00:27:27] Speaker A: Yes, it was definitely six figures. I would say it's probably like 131 40.
[00:27:32] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:27:33] Speaker A: Give or take. Like I said 401k, max out credit cards. We took a HELOC out on our house.
You name it. Like, it was like the debt just kept piling and I was just like, for what? For what? Like, there's no baby, you know? And now, of course, we can say it was all worth it, but, like, at the time when it was like, not working, I was just like, how. How much further in debt can we go?
[00:27:55] Speaker B: Yeah. How was this on your husband or partner during this time, they go through their own journey unrelated to your body performing. Unless it's their sperm that is having some challenges. What was his reaction during this whole time?
[00:28:12] Speaker A: He was just, I think, trying to be strong, you know, and try to, like. Cause I was an emotional mess, like, obviously with the hormones too. Like, it was just insane how emotional I was. I don't even know how else to explain it. So I think he felt like he needed to be strong in all of this. And, you know, but there were times where he would drop to his knees and cry. Like, I remember that, you know, and he would, like, try to shriek it off. Like, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. But I could see that he was really hurting. He wanted to be a dad his whole life. I mean, when I met him, that was like one of the first things he said to me, like, I can't wait to be a dad.
So when I knew it was my body that was the problem. I mean, there was a time, to be honest, where I was. I thought he'd be better off without me, you know, in our marriage. Because if I couldn't give him a baby, you know, what was I doing with him? Someone who wanted to be a dad so badly. I mean, I had some really dark thoughts, but he just kept telling me, like, it's kind of, we're going to just keep going. We're just going to Keep going, you know, and he would pick me up off the floor and say, we're going again, we're going again. And we would just keep going. Like that's the only way to explain it. I'm not saying I was excited about it. I was happy about it. I was. I just kept going. It was just pure resilience. And like you said, hundreds of thousands of doctor's appointments and poking and prodding and oh, the needles. So many needles that get bathtubs of.
[00:29:39] Speaker B: Needles, you know, so many. I. Do you remember the first time you were in a bathroom and you're like, I need a needle dispenser. Like, I never knew what that was. Like, I know diabetics need those. And I remember, oh, I know that bathroom has a needle. Like, I can dump my used needle in it. I remember that. I remember injecting myself in an airplane bathroom.
[00:30:01] Speaker A: Yes. Yes. Yeah.
[00:30:03] Speaker B: You know, it just. Just so wild.
So, Victoria, you have all sorts of resources for women and families and men, everyone on this journey and their different pieces. Can you tell us about some of those? I'd love to hear what resources are out there and, and how women and others can get some more support.
[00:30:26] Speaker A: Yeah. So I founded Infertility Unfiltered is the name of the organization back in 2019, 2020. It was just an idea I posted on Instagram. Does anyone want to meet up and like, I'll bring together a bunch of therapists and we'll all like, heal together. And overnight every spot filled up. And I was like, oh, great. You know, and so that was in person, that was in like a Newport Beach.
There was. There's a group I joined as a new mom. It's called the New Mom School. And I had shared my story and I said to her, I said, you know, women who want to become moms, they need support groups like this too. And she was like, I totally agree. You should run it. I'll give you my space. And I was like, okay. And at the time, my baby was like three months old. And I was like, I'm going to say yes, I'll figure this out. And so I did. And Covid happened shortly after. So then we went virtual, but it's grown exponentially because I think we've dovetailed. So we have a journey to healing, sort of like four week class series where we bring in therapists on very specific topics for anyone at any stage of the journey, any gender, any relationship status, any end goal. Like, there's this series and then we have very specific, like, Subgroups of that for, like, donor conception, for example. So donor sperm, donor egg, donor embryo, which again, the genetic grief is a very big component of that group. But we help people through the very beginning stages, making the decision, healing. And then also, like, once you're a parent, like, how do you parent and support a child via donor conception? How do you talk to them about it? How do you normalize it within your communities and their schools and their doctors and your family? So there's a lot of education that, like, is needed that, you know, these doctors are just saying, oh, you're just, it's fine. Just use someone else's eggs. Like, you don't need to tell anybody, you know? And it's like, what, this is human life? Yes. We need to tell. We need to tell.
[00:32:17] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Gosh. What a resource that exists now.
[00:32:24] Speaker A: Joining, because it's like, there's nothing really out there for people.
[00:32:28] Speaker B: Wow. You know, you hear over and over again, don't let a pain or a trauma go to waste. You certainly, Victoria, have not done that.
[00:32:38] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:32:39] Speaker B: If you wouldn't have gone through this journey, all of these people would not have been touched and supported. Who knows what would have been there for them. I love that you have made joy and purpose out of this. So inspirational, really.
[00:32:55] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:32:56] Speaker B: Really, truly.
[00:32:57] Speaker A: It's my honor. Like, I truly feel like there is so much purpose. You know, I don't like to say everything happens for a reason, but I do think that whatever happens, you can make purpose of. You can make a reason. Right. And that's what I did. I think I turned my pain around. And to be honest, it wasn't in the beginning this altruistic thing. It was. I was suffering and I just needed to come out about it. And I needed to know there was one other person in the world that could say, me too.
And so then when I got hundreds and thousands of me toos, I was like, okay, I don't feel so alone anymore. I'm going to be okay. I have people I can call, I have people I can text.
And then I realized we got to help more people get do that, you know?
[00:33:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:33:42] Speaker A: A lot of women don't want to come out publicly about it. What I did was like, whoa. You know, I still am like, wow, I can't believe I actually did that. So that's where they can come to groups like this where they don't have to be public about anything and they can meet other people in the same place of their journeys with them in a safe environment.
[00:33:58] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:33:59] Speaker A: You know.
[00:34:00] Speaker B: Yeah, I know that you have a bunch of resources planned that you want to share with our community. We'll drop all of those into the show notes. I know there's hundreds of practical tips that you can give us. I'm sure you have some of your favorite documents and books and resources and, of course, your own courses and groups that you offer. There will be hundreds of people who watch this message, Victoria, who are struggling with infertility, will struggle with infertility in the future, or have someone in their family that is going through this right now. What would you say to them?
[00:34:38] Speaker A: Find someone who's going where you are trying to go because you can't do this alone. Don't try it. I did. It doesn't work. Find someone else that's going where you're trying to go and talk to them and reach out to them, ask them for support, to coffee, to just cry with. Because doing this alone is dangerous and it's scary and it's isolating and shameful. And like you said, one out of six people. Right? So it's not just you, I promise you. You just have to, like, extend an olive branch. And there's a lot of resources to find other people, even just on social media with hashtags. That's kind of where I have found a lot of my people. But I'm here. I'm your person. You can reach out to me. I'd be happy to. My DMs are always open. My email's always open. I'd be happy to help connect you.
[00:35:26] Speaker B: Awesome. Okay, well, we'll drop all that in the show notes so our listeners can reach out to you. And it sounds like you're very willing to point them in a direction that would be helpful. Thank you.
That is something that I know a lot of folks are going to take you up on. And, you know, I just want to thank you personally for giving me the space to share with somebody and to be seen by you.
[00:35:53] Speaker A: I wish I could hug you right now.
[00:35:55] Speaker B: Yeah. I've never really shared that in a situation that was like, you know, outside of the besties. So thank you for giving me the courage to do that.
[00:36:05] Speaker A: Really? Wow.
[00:36:08] Speaker B: Well. Well, thank you for coming and just sharing all these great tips, these stories.
I know this episode is going to make a difference. And for those of you who are in a place, particularly the women who are trying to conceive, you are not alone. You are enough. It is not your fault. And I know that there is a plan for you. I don't know what that is, and if that includes children. But my goodness, you are not alone. Reach out for support. It is there. It can be found. And with this online community nowadays, it is not hard to find. So thank you for joining us, ladies, men, families, everyone. We hope that this episode has given you some tips on how to better support the people in your life going through this. And. Or if you're going through this, hang in there, my friend. We're with you. We stand with you. Well, Victoria, anything. Any closing thoughts that you want to share with our audience? Welcome to mention your Instagram handle or really the best way on social to reach you. I'm sure folks are going to use that.
[00:37:19] Speaker A: Yeah. So expecting Anything as my handle, which I started way back when because I was literally expecting anything after all I had been through. And it was kind of a play on words with expecting. Right. And then Infertility Unfiltered is the other handle. That's for the organization that I mentioned. A lot of resources there on my Instagram. Expecting anything. I share very openly about egg donation, parenting via egg donation, the things, the crazy things that my daughter says or transparency conversations that we have with other people out in the wild. Like, it's kind of crazy, the things that we hear and that I get to share.
And we also. I published a children's book. It's called Our Hearts Match, and it's a story about a T. Rex dinosaur mama who hatches the egg of a brontosaurus. And so it's basically the story of me and my daughter and the silly questions that she would ask, like, as a dinosaur, why are your arms shorter than mine, mama? And she's like, well, I get to hold you closer to my heart. And it's this conversation between the mother and child. And then in the end, she realizes they're actually a lot alike. And she said, well, why do we roar the same? Why do we dance the same?
So it's talking about nurture and nature in a child's lens and age appropriate.
[00:38:39] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:38:40] Speaker A: Yeah. I feel like it's a book everyone should read, not just donor conception families, because like I said, everyone needs to be like, we're buying kids about books about kids in wheelchairs, you know, because everyone should, Right? It's like we all have to be talking to our children about diversity, inclusion if we want the world to change.
[00:38:56] Speaker B: Yeah. Excellent. Well, Victoria, thank you so much for coming. I hope we can have you back, and I'm sure we can share some other stories and tips, but we just appreciate you. So thank you so much.
[00:39:08] Speaker A: Of course. Happy to be here. Thank you.
[00:39:11] Speaker B: And that brings us to the end of another episode. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. Okay, so if you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. If you're loving what you hear, I would be incredibly grateful if you took just a moment to rate and review this show on your favorite podcast platform. It helps others discover us and it's a great place to share your thoughts, suggestions and ideas for future episodes. For even more exclusive content and detailed show notes, check out our website at 3564.com and that's spelled out 3564.com as always, a huge, huge thank you for spending time with me today during this episode. I appreciate that you tuned in. I'm going to leave you the same way I do every episode. Remember, it's not too late, you're not too old, and you're definitely not dead. Okay? Until next time, friends.
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