Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: I was sitting across from my therapist and I asked her, I still kind of can't believe I did this. I said, hey, if you were to create a New Year's resolution for me, what would it be?
Welcome to 35 64, a podcast for the Middle. Happy New Year to you. I am so thrilled that you have tuned into this episode. I have a really unique challenge for you now. It being January and everyone talking about New Year's resolutions, I thought, hey, let's approach this in a totally fresh new way. I'm actually going to say, I dare you to do this. Many of you will laugh when I make this suggestion, and I'm going to give it to you here in a few minutes. But first, what Were the top five New Year's resolutions in 2024? I think they're going to be exactly what you think. Exercise more, improve finances, improve mental health, lose weight, eat healthier. By and large, those five were on almost everyone's list in 2024, and they are what I expected to hear. Now, I do like to use this time of year to reflect, to pause and to think, how can next year be even better? And I was trying to come up, what am I going to add to things I want to focus on this year? And I thought, I don't know even how this popped into my head, but I was sitting across from my therapist. I've been going to weekly therapy for about nine months and it has been one of the best investments I have made in myself in my entire life. If you haven't had the opportunity to have one on one individual therapy, I highly recommend it, even if you're not in a crisis. I am lucky to say I am currently not in a crisis. But it has been so rewarding, so amazing.
If you haven't done therapy, let me just push that off and say, please give it a shot. If you can find someone you trust and make it happen in your schedule. But back on track here, I was sitting across from my therapist and I asked her, I still kind of can't believe I did this. I said, hey, if you were to create a New Year's resolution for me, what would it be? And I think, you know, she was slightly surprised at first. She quickly smiled. She looked directly at me and she said, I'd love to see you relax and chill more. That means less striving.
So let's dive into some of the definitions here, because I want to unpack exactly what she suggested for me. First off, striving is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as making Great efforts to achieve or obtain something. Another definition, to struggle or fight vigorously for something. Now, I got to tell you, I'm an expert in striving. I put my head down, I try something, and if that doesn't work, I will try another way. If I am determined, I typically will exhaust every option I know of to make it to that goal. Now that has served me very well in my life. It has also been a disservice. I have a really tough time sitting down and exactly what my therapist suggested. Relaxing, chilling, and sometimes just let it be. So I thought, okay, what does relax exactly mean? So let's, let's check the dictionary here. Relax to make less tense or rigid to make less severe or stringent. I thought, okay, I definitely can check that box. Let's focus on relaxing more. Even just saying that makes me a little bit uncomfortable because I equate sometimes relaxing to laziness. I need to change that definition in my mind. Okay, so chill. So I took a look at the definition, chill as well. Now, most of us know this. This is having a laid back style or easy demeanor. And it was so funny. She lovingly imitated me in this therapy session. She came right to the edge of her seat. Imagine when you're really excited to talk about something and someone comes to the edge of their seat and they lean in.
So she said, I love it. You come into these sessions, you sit down and you come to the edge of your seat, you lean in and you have all this focus and energy and that's great. But sometimes it's okay to sit back, to relax, to take in what's happening and to slow down.
And I laughed and I said, you know what, I do do that. And once again, this isn't always something that is bad. I love bringing energy to the table. I love moving quick and having ideas and all of that kind of forward momentum. But at the same time, sometimes it makes sense to just sit back and relax, to just chill, to watch things unfold. Maybe that's the term here. Watching things unfold as they should sometimes, which I need to take a lesson for this coming year, is striving is helpful and sometimes it's not. Sometimes things need to unfold.
So that was risky for me. I didn't know what she was going to come back with and. And that's what she came back with. It gives me a little bit of that, like tense, not stomach feeling. When I think about how I'm going to try and implement this in the new year, hopefully next year I'll Check back in with you and tell you it's something that I got a lot better at. But I want to throw a new angle at this. So a lot of you aren't in therapy, which is great. That's totally okay. There's a place and a time and an interest for all of us. But there are other people in our lives that know us very, very well. And in particular, I think our partners or our children know us better than almost anybody.
So I took this and kind of twisted it a little bit. I was at a dinner with four or five girlfriends recently, and I told everybody that I asked my therapist this question and how she retorted, and everyone was sort of chuckling. And I said to all these women, who are fantastic, I said, what do you think? Your boyfriend, your husband, your fiance? What do you think they would suggest as a New Year's resolution for you? Immediately, everyone said, no, no, no, no way. I knew I was onto something because of how strongly they pushed back against me suggesting that exact thing. So what in the world is everyone scared of? Well, I think everyone has a difficult time taking criticism or feedback, if you will, even if it's productive feedback. But I thought, let me help my girlfriends and all of our listeners out there. What do partners wish their significant other's New Year resolution is? So I wanted to take a look. What do men and what do women suggest their partners have on their New Year's resolution list?
And I came up with actually pulling all this data off the Internet. I'm gonna share it with you, and I'm gonna say likely. Your partner might think that you could work on one of these things. So let's start with what men hope women change in the coming year. Here we go. Number one, men would like more support and understanding. Number two, less criticism and negativity. Number three, less nagging and complaining. Number four, more appreciation and affection. And last but not least, more trust and faith in the relationship. I thought all those were pretty interesting. What about you? Did any of those stand out as something that you think that your male partner, your fiance, your boyfriend, your husband might think that you could improve upon? I think it's worth taking a hard look at. Many of my girlfriends did not want to look at that stuff. And I think each and every one of them would raise their hand and say, I have some serious work to do in some of those areas. Now I do, too. So I raise my hand in a lot of those categories. I see improvement for myself, and I'm gonna take a deep look at some of those. Let's look at what women most wanted their partners to change in the new year. First and foremost, be more present and engaged. Okay, I kind of expected that. Another one, Number two, communicate more openly and honestly. That's a famous thing, right, that men don't communicate. I think us women are just as bad communicating in our relationships as men are. But if we can master communication, it makes just dividends worth of improvement in relationships. So that's a great one to work on. Okay, another one. I, I was surprised to see this share more household responsibilities.
So if you're out there and your wife is doing all the laundry, all the vacuuming, all the cleaning, first off, we are in 2025.
But also it is really nice to have support there. So if you're not stepping up to the plate there, great opportunity for you men.
Another thing that women asked for, I thought this was interesting, was to show more appreciation and affection.
Now if you don't recall, that was also on the men's list for women to show.
So if we can take anything away here from some of these, it's be more grateful and appreciate your partner. Do any of these stick out to you? Do you think that it's a risky question to ask your partner, your loved one, what they think you could work on in the new year? I'm gonna dare you to do that and see if you have the courage to ask the question, to lovingly receive that response. And I do think it is worth asking these hard, hard, tough questions. Now, another way to approach this is to ask your children.
I, I am going to do that this year. I'm not quite sure what they are going to say and how deep the responses will be. I think it's going to depend on their age and their emotional maturity. But I am going to ask them. I want to see what they have to come back with and if it's something that I can practically do to be a better mom in their lives.
I hope this gave you a really new twist on what you can do in the new year to improve yourself and to live a better, more fulfilling life. I wish you nothing but the best in 2025. Happy New Year. I can't wait to spend the rest of the year with you learning more about how to be a better middle ager. With thoughts, education, wisdom, stories and all the things that we need to approach midlife better. Thanks so much for your investment in time in our show. We appreciate you, we love you. Your comments, your questions and all the stories that you send in on a regular basis keep us going. So please do let us know what you think. We absolutely love hearing from from you. Once again, Happy New Year to you. I hope you'll take my dare. I can't wait to hear how it goes.
[00:14:18] Speaker B: And that brings us to the end of another episode. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. Okay, so if you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. If you're loving what you hear. I would be incredibly grateful if you took just a moment to rate and review this show on your favorite podcast platform. It helps others discover us and it's a great place to share your thoughts, suggestions and ideas for future episodes. For even more exclusive content and detailed show notes, check out our website at 3564 and that's spelled out 3564.com as always, a huge, huge thank you for spending time with me today during this episode. I appreciate that you tuned in. I'm going to leave you the same way I do every episode. Remember, it's not too late, you're not too old, and you're definitely not dead. Okay, until next time, friends.
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